Page 47 of Everything She Feared

“I like them.” Dr. Mehta looked at her. “We didn’t talk about your nightmares much on your last visit. Do you feel like telling me about them now?”

As Katie lifted the elephant to inspect it, she shrugged, which Dr. Mehta took as an invitation to continue.

“What happens in your bad dreams?”

Katie set the elephant down.

“I’m at the park with Anna and she stops by the cliff to take a selfie and she starts backing up and she’s getting so close to the edge. I say, be careful, Anna...”

Katie stopped talking.

She was rooted before the shelf, staring at the elephant and giraffe. Dr. Mehta knew Katie was ordering her thoughts and waited for her to continue.

“But,” Katie said, “Anna’s holding her phone up, looking at it, saying it’s so beautiful and she keeps backing up. I tell Anna to stop, be careful, but she keeps backing up and I want to—I want—”

Katie stopped.

“What is it you want to do, Katie?”

“I want to run to Anna and—and—”

Katie stopped.

Dr. Mehta went to her, gently helping her onto the sofa chair. Ice cubes clinked as she poured water for Katie. Drinking some, then gasping, Katie’s brow furrowed.

“She didn’t listen to me. Why didn’t she listen to me?”

Dr. Mehta waited for her to continue.

“I see her hanging on to the branch,” Katie said, “screaming for help and I run so fast for help but it’s too late—and—and I feel like it’s my fault.”

“No, Katie, no, it’s normal for you to think that,” Dr. Mehta said. “Katie, it was a terrible accident that happened to your friend right in front of you. You had no control over the events. What happened is not your fault.”

“But I feel like it is. It’s really in my head that it is my fault, and this feeling won’t go away.”

Katie looked at the tiny gold heart of the necklace she was wearing, taking it gently between her fingertips as Dr. Mehta watched.

“That’s the one Anna gave you that day?” Mehta said. “It’s pretty.”

Katie nodded.

“You wore it the first time we talked. What does it mean to you?”

Katie blinked, thinking.

“It means I’ll remember Anna all my life and that I’m sorry for what happened.”

“In time, when you think of Anna, your memories will become happy ones, and soon you’ll understand that what happened was not your fault.”

“Will the nightmares go away?”

“Yes, they will.

“I’m curious about something you told me,” Dr. Mehta said. “I was hoping you could help me understand it. Remember when we first met and you said that what happened to Anna was just like what happened tothat boy? What does that mean?”

Katie’s face whitened.

“Mom said it’s better if I don’t ever talk about it.”

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