Page 46 of Everything She Feared

Until two years ago, during one of their visits to Greater Vancouver when Katie was seven, the incident with the little boy happened. It was so, so awful. What struck Sara was how Katie wasn’t fully empathetic.How she seemed almost “satisfied.”Sara told Katie that they should never talk about what had happened to the boy. But that didn’t make it go away, for it became something that dwelled in a corner of Sara’s heart.

Sara recalled how shortly after the incident in British Columbia, she’d sat alone one night in dim light at the kitchen table of her parents’ home—this home—her thoughts swirling. Her mother, still living at home then, had heard her, sat with her and eventually got Sara to tell her what was on her conscience.

“I’m so afraid,” Sara said.

“What are you afraid of?”

“This won’t make sense, but I fear that losing Nathaniel is the price I’m paying for having Katie. For going against my plan never to have a child because of our secret, because of who I am.”

Her mother listened.

“It’s like our curse, the keeping of secrets,” Sara said. “How I’m forever looking over my shoulder for the forces out there—and those even closer to us here, now, after what happened with the boy.” Sara’s voice broke. “I’m scared.”

Her mother took her hands. Sara could feel them trembling, betraying the internal turmoil her mother battled.

“Now, you listen to me. I am your mother. I love you with all my heart. I will always be your mother and Dad, God rest his soul, will always be your dad.”

Sara nodded.

“You have goodness in you,” her mother said. “You are Katie’s mom. Nathaniel was her dad. And all the virtues you both have are in that little girl. You must believe that because it’s true.”

Sara nodded.

“You love Katie, don’t you?”

“With all my heart. She’s my world.”

“Then that’s all that matters.”

“But, Mom, Nathaniel was taken from me, Dad was taken from you and there’s what happened in Canada—”

“No,” her mother said. “What happened to Nathaniel and Dad, that’s part of life, not some curse. And what happened in Vancouver, happened. It has nothing to do with you, Katie or anyone else. There’s no need to ever bring up what happened with that boy. You remember that and you make sure Katie does, too.”

That night with her mother was two years ago.

Now, alone in her bed, Sara turned to the clock on her night table. It was so late. She had to work in the morning and needed sleep. But she couldn’t stop thinking about that boy—and Anna.

Now, like wolves emerging from the edge of darkness, the horrific secrets of her past and her fear of what was coming gnawed at her.

Please don’t let it be true.

20

Seattle, Washington

“Are you stillhaving nightmares about Anna?”

Katie nodded.

She had been walking slowly around Dr. Sally Mehta’s office, touching her plants, her books, before stopping at the small figures on her shelves: a hand-carved giraffe and elephant.

“How often do you have the bad dreams?”

“Almost every night.” Katie touched the carvings. “Sally, where did you get these?”

“When I was at a conference in Africa.”

“They’re nice.”

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