Page 15 of Collapsed

“Be mad at whoever you need to, Katia, but I made the decision, and the team followed my orders. They had their rebuttals, but at the end of the day, I DO make that final call, and I stand by what I asked them to do.”

I’m not even sure how to respond to him at this moment. Was I secretly hoping that once I came here and confronted him that he would back down and apologize?Yes, that’s exactly what I was hoping for.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Stryker says. There’s no way he knows, so I don’t respond, giving him space to be wrong. “You think that you don’t matter to us, but the thing is that you do matter. Fuck, you matter more than I thought you would.” I look down to see that he still has a firm grip on mine. “Nat came into my… our lives like a fucking hurricane.” I can’t help it but let out a small chuckle, and he notices, responding with a smile. “Even you know the impact she has on others because you feel it too and felt it longer than I have. She is the first person I’ve ever loved, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”I feel the same way.

“When she told us about you, I could see how much you meant to her. I knew getting you back would make her feel whole. There was always something missing, something she was holding back. At first, it was Alexie, but even after she found him, there was still more. When we rescued you, everything seemed to fall into place. She is complete now. We are her’s, and she is our’s, and that includes you for her.”

My mouth starts to open to question him further because that doesn’t change that I feel like a side character in my own life, but he cuts in. “Now, you don’t just matter because you made Nat feel complete. You matter because you are now a part of this crazy fucked up family. I guess I can’t speak for everyone else, but I feel it. This team… this family has seemed like a group of people only brought together because they’re good at solving crimes and taking down bad guys, but now it's more than that. I’m not the biggest believer in fate because of all the disgusting shit we see and deal with, but it’s hard to argue with how everything feels like one big complicated puzzle that has finally been put together.”

“And exactly how did I put this puzzle together, Stryker?”

“To be honest, I’m not really sure I know how to explain it. When Nat came to the team, I fought with the emotional connection. One night stands and meaningless fucks I was good at. But the feelings were strong and came quickly. It scared me,” he admits to me, and it catches me by surprise. He presents himself as confident and strong, so it’s hard to think such a man was ‘scared’ of his feelings.

“Are you saying you have feelings for me?” I ask. Then, I notice that my heart starts to beat faster because I hadn’t thought about those kinds of feelings or possibly being involved with any of the guys. My feelings for Nat are obvious, but I’ve never moved past what they would be for the others. I don’t think I will ever be ready to be with another man. If that’s what he’s telling me, this is going to get really fucking awkward.

“Not like that. You are our family, you’re hot and all, but I think my Little Foxis enough woman for us to handle,” he chuckles. “She came in like a bat out of hell, and there was nothing to hold us back or, clearly, nothing we knew about yet. When you came to us, there was so much that had happened that I think we kept our distance. We’re so used to dealing with the scumbags and taking them down, but we never really have to deal with the destruction and trauma that they cause. You came in, and I don’t know what to do or what to say. I see the way Nat and Alexie take care of you, and it’s obvious how special you are to them. There is no clear plan or solution to the problem because all I wanted to do was take away any pain or hurt you went through, but I can’t do that. My only intention for leaving you in Chicago was to keep you safe. I can’t change anything that happened in the past, but I will do my best to protect you moving forward. You aren’t trained like we are, Katia, and if anything happens to you, I couldn’t live with myself, and I’m not sure Nat could either.”

I feel tears building behind my eyes, threatening to spill over. “I’m not trained like any of you, but when you rescue Nat, I’m going to be there for her. You can’t protect me from everything, Stryker, it’s not possible. What were you planning on doing? Wrapping me up in bubble wrap forever.” I laugh a little at the idea of rolling around in bubble wrap. He looks at me like he’s thinking about it.

“You can’t keep me from everything. Life has thrown a lot at me, but I’m where I’m supposed to be. Although, if you told me a couple of years ago that I would be on a private jet to go rescue the woman I’ve secretly loved for years while accompanied by her four other lovers, well… I can’t say I would’ve believed you. It’s a strange feeling.”

“I never imagined being with a woman who was also with others at the same time. The social norm is that it's one person for everyone, and I used to believe that too. Now, I know it can be more than one person, even at the same time. It’s still something I think we’re all getting used to, I know I am. So when you ask where you fit into all of this, the answer is that you fit with us because you are Nat’s, and Nat’s is yours. Our own little family of misfits.”

I’m trying to process everything Stryker has said because he’s saying I complete this team. I don’t have romantic feelings for any of them, and I’ve kept my distance from them because I’m not sure where I fit. Also, it’s been hard to trust men after what Ivan and his twisted band of freaks did to me. This is something I really need to think about, but I also told myself before I got Nat back that I was done sitting around and waiting. I was going to start taking control of my life, and if I felt something, I was done holding back to overthinking things. Life is too short.

“When I was rescued,” I start to tell him, “I thought it would be Nat and me against the world. Nothing could have prepared me for the life she’s created for herself. It’s perfect, and she’s perfect in it. Right now, all I can seem to focus on is Nat and making sure we bring her home safely. Thank you for thinking of my safety, but if it involves our girl, I want to be there too.” Stryker and I sit there for a few moments in silence while he still holds my stare, and the tension seems to be lifting more and more.

“Well, thank fuck that sappy love fest is over.” King’s voice comes from directly behind Stryker. I didn’t notice him before because he’s lounging across the two seats behind Stryker.Was he listening to everything?

“Anything you want to add, King?” Stryker asks him.

“I don’t think I could add anything if I tried. That was the longest fucking speech I’ve heard of someone simply trying to say I’m the boss and only wanted to keep you safe,” King crudely replies.

“Really, King?” Stryker asks him. “You also missed out on how she’s one of us and that we want to keep her safe.” Stryker looks at me as though he’s trying to reassure me of the meaning behind his words.

“Just trying to help you out, boss,” King says. “Oh, and Katia… he does speak for all of us with his fucking long ass-speech. Seriously Stryker, no wonder I lose focus in our meetings. You say a lot of fucking words for something really fucking simple. Now, if you both are done with this kumbaya fest, I’m trying to get a little sleep so I’m fully ready to destroy Kruz… Ivan, whoever the fuck he is.”

“No, I will be the one to destroy Umbra once and for all,” Alexie chimes in.Could they all hear us? Awkward.

“You better get in line,” King retorts, “Actually, that’s a great fucking idea. We form a line and take turns brutally torturing and destroying him.”

“Now, we are speaking the same language Prince-y,” Alexie says with some laughter following.

The pilot comes over the speaker to let us know we will be starting our descent and landing soon.

“Fucking great! So much for a nap,” King groans.

The rest of the flight is quiet, and when we land, we get our bags and leave the plane, there are two large SUVs waiting for us. I climb into the backseat of the second one, next to Marcela. Alexie gets in after me, so now I’m sandwiched between them. We leave the airport, and after a few minutes, Alexie leans over and whispers, “I’m sorry, Katia.”

“I’m still mad at you,” I say back to him.

“I heard all the sweet things the Boss-man was saying to you.”Great! Apparently, Stryker and I are incapable of whispering.“You are worth everything, love, but this world is something you have not been a part of. Nat and I have tried to shelter you from it, but in doing so, we made you unprepared for its brutality.”

Alexie has been one of my best friends for so long, and I don’t know what I would do without him. He and Nat were always in the thick of it, working for Andrei, but I never wanted a part of it. In doing so, he is right, I was naive in trusting Andrei and taking his deal. Now, I’ve seen the ugliness that this world can be, but I know with all my heart that Alexie will do what he can to make sure he changes things.

“You deserve to be herewith us,” he continues. “Please, forgive me.” I pause too long for his liking, “Please, Katia, I will pluck out my eyeballs and offer them to you for penance.”

I can’t help but burst into laughter. “Oh Alexie, as much as I adore those beautiful brown eyes, I prefer them attached to your face. Also, you might need them when you kill Ivan.”

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