Serene studied him for a short, silent moment. “Desfan, I’m going to be very direct now, and I trust this will stay between us.”
He suddenly looked cautious. “Of course.”
“Our marriage was arranged strictly for political reasons. It’s a fact I resigned myself to long ago, as I know you did. We don’t love each other.”
Desfan said nothing. No denial, but no agreement. Silence, in this case, was absolutely the safer political move.
Serene ignored the risks and continued. “I’ve been prepared to marry you for so long, I couldn’t see any other option. Despite everything, I was ready to become your wife.”
“Was?” Alarm edged into his tone.
“Yes. But I’m hesitating now. Not because I don’t think we could make this work—we are both dedicated enough to our people that we could do this. But I now realize that by marrying you, I would be hurting one of the most important people in my life: Imara.”
His face was inscrutable. “Serene—”
“You kissed her, Desfan.”
He paled. His throat flexed. “Serene, I—”
“I’m not upset. Imara told me what happened, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.” She flipped up a hand. “Not the image of you two kissing, but the way she looked when she talked about it. When she talked about you.”
Something flashed in his eyes. There and gone, too quick to analyze.
“I’ve watched you with her,” Serene said. “And I’ve watchedherwithyou. And while I think things are new and tentative between you, something very real is there. I don’t want to hurt her by marrying you. Especially if there’s another way. For all Liam Kaelin’s faults, he was right about one thing: the coming war with Ryden has the power to create strong alliances between Zennor, Devendra, and Mortise—without the aid of an arranged marriage. If I can broker peace between you and my uncle, Devendra would be united by default because of the alliance shared with Zennor. And if King Henri marches on any of us, we will all be united against him—whether or not you and I are married.”
Desfan ran a hand over his mouth and the dark scruff on his chin, his thoughts clearly racing. “No one can know we’re contemplating this.”
“Agreed.” They had sacrificed too much to get to this point. Others had, as well. “Until things are settled between Zennor and Mortise—or until the war starts—we must remain engaged. We can’t have even a whisper of rumor, or all of our efforts up until now will have been in vain.” She paused. “You and Clare can continue to build the peace between our peoples, and I will do what I can in Zennor. I may fail, but I feel it’s worth trying. Do you agree?”
Desfan studied her for a long moment. “Yes.”
A thrill sparked in her chest, and the nerves in her stomach settled. “Good.” She eyed him. “It’s possible I could persuade my uncle to consider a betrothal between you and Imara, since that would arguably be a more profitable match to Zennor than her marriage to Skyer, but I will only try to arrange such a thing once I can ascertain from Imara that you are who she wants. I will not force her into anything.”
“I don’t want to force her, either,” Desfan said readily.
“Then it’s settled.”
“When will you leave?” he asked.
“As soon as possible. The journey to reach my uncle in Kedaah will take about a month.”
“Do you need any additional men?”
Serene shook her head. “I want to travel quickly and without drawing unnecessary attention. I’ll only take two of my guards.” She’d already chosen Cardon and Wilf.
Bennick, as captain of her guard, needed to remain here in Duvan, to solidify the illusion that Clare was Serene. Venn would also stay, since he knew the most about the situation in Salvation; if Desfan needed assistance or advice, Venn could provide that.
“I can talk to Captain Seveh,” Desfan said. “ThePhoenixis a fast ship, and he’s still in port.”
“Perfect. Let me know as soon as he’s ready to sail, and I’ll meet him at the harbor.”
“What are you going to tell Imara?”
Serene exhaled slowly. “That I’m hoping to negotiate peace between Zennor and Mortise. I don’t want to get her hopes up for anything more, especially when her focus needs to be on getting well. You’ll keep a close eye on her, won’t you?”
“Of course. And I’ll lend extra guards to Captain Markam so Clare will be well protected at all times.”
“Thank you.” She clasped her hands on her lap. “I hate to ask something else of you, but Clare has asked me to speak on her behalf. About Latif.”