Page 52 of Beautiful Desire

The smell of my Bolognese fills the air and pulls me out of my thoughts. I turn to see Alex and another server approaching with my food as my stomach lets out another rumble.

“Buon appetito,” Alex says as he places my food down in front of me. “Can I get you anything else, sir?”

“No, I’m good, thank you.”

They leave me in peace, and I eat my late lunch in silence and can’t help but think about the young woman from before. I can’t shake the thought of Elle being in that position and nobody being there to help her. Ofmenot being there to help her.

It’s pissing me off that I don’t know whether or not she’s seeing anybody, and I decide it’s information Ineedto know. Once I get back to the office, it’s something I’m going to find out.

CHAPTER16

DOM

Before finishing my meal,I call Bill to let him know I’ll walk back to the office. It’s a beautiful day outside, and honestly, I need some fresh air and extra time before getting back to the office, where I have another late night filled with endless paperwork.

Exiting my restaurant, I look up at the sky. The sun is shining down and hardly a cloud to be seen. The streets are busy with people coming and going, and the traffic is surprisingly quiet for four-thirty on a workday.

The photo on Elle’s desk has been playing on a nonstop loop in my mind this entire time. I hate the thought that she is not only with someone else, but also has a child with somebody else.

Another surge of anger runs through me. My hands ball into fists; opening them, I flex my fingers, trying to alleviate some of this tension.

The idea alone makes me want to beat my chest like a gorilla and tell everyone she’s mine. But she’s not, and she never really has been. I knew from the moment I met her that she was too good for me and I could never give her what she truly deserves. My shoulders sag at that harsh truth.

Needing to feel her, I place my hand in my suit pocket and close my fist around her gold cuff. The coolness from the metal instantly soothes me. I take a deep breath and already feel calmer. Although it doesn’t come close to the real Elle, it’s all I’ve had for the past year and, somehow, it’s gotten me through.

I’m preoccupied by my thoughts when a loud popping sound echoes throughout the air as I walk along the calm sidewalk.

My body tenses as I break out in a cold sweat. Suddenly feeling too hot, I get lightheaded as my heart rate spikes and my breaths come in quick short spurts.

I cover my ears with my trembling hands, trying to conceal the noise, and suddenly it’s hard to breathe. My chest rises and falls at a rapid rate as I gasp for air.I automatically duck down and dive into the alleyway on my right. Sitting on the cold concrete, I bring my knees to my chest, slightly rocking back and forth and closing my eyes.

Flashbacks from that fatal night start playing through my head as I try to keep my breathing under control and this panic attack at bay.

* * *

The darkness surrounds me as my feet carry me away from everything I once knew. From what I just did. My boots slap against the pavement as I run faster into the night. Although I’m outside, I’m having a hard time breathing. The mixture of the wind on my face and my tears blurs my vision, but I don’t stop. Ineedto get out of here.

My stomach churns as the sickening words he last said to me play on a continual loop in my head while images of my brother remain as a still frame. I bring my hand up and hit myself in the temple hard, trying to dislodge it, but all that does is shift it and transport me back to where I just was.

Everything around me goes dark. Although it’s nighttime, I suddenly can’t see a thing. As I blink rapidly, my vision focuses, and all I see isred. I drop to the ground, and my knees sting from the contact. But that’s nothing compared to the turmoil I feel inside. I bring my shaky hand up and cover my eyes.

“No. NO!” I shout. “Why are you doing this to me? Haven’t I suffered enough?” I cry into the night sky. My body wracks with the force of my tears as I let out all the pain and anguish I feel. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I repeat those words until I have no more tears left in me. Wiping my eyes, I try to get a hold of myself. I pull my hands away, and they began to tremble when I find them covered in blood.

* * *

I feel a hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to the present as I startle in surprise. Before I can see who it is, I feel the bile rise up my throat, and I turn just in time to expel everything I just had for lunch.

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I sit, leaning my back against the brick building as I try to calm myself down. The sound of my ragged breathing fills my ears as I feel my heart thumping against my chest when I hear a frail man’s voice.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”

I turn my head to find an older man standing beside me with a concerned look on his face. I take a few breaths, trying to calm my nerves before nodding my head vigorously.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.”

“Are you su—” he asks again before I abruptly cut him off.

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