Page 3 of Vodka And Virtue

“I’m not sure there’s a difference,” I rebutted.

Ryan laughed. “Of course there is, silly. If he’s judging you, he doesn’t like you. If he’s sizing you up, he wa—”

“Wants to fuck you,” Carson finished for him.

Ryan frowned at him. “I had a nicer word in mind, but yes, what he said.”

My eyes narrowed. “How can you be sure?”

Carson chuckled. “I’m a certified dating coach. Trust me. I’m sure.”

Ryan snickered while I rolled my eyes. “Certified? Please! You were supposed to find him a nice rich man, but instead, you failed, and offered yourself as a consolation prize. You’re lucky he fell for it.”

Carson’s self-satisfied smirk said he was feeling pretty proud of himself while Ryan dissolved into a fit of giggles in the back seat. When he recovered himself, he said, “I think I did okay,” and pressed a kiss to the side of Carson’s head.

“Don’t mind him, Boytoy. He’s just jealous.”

“Hardly,” I countered.

But maybe I was.

I stared at their hands, laced together, as they walked ahead of me through the mall. Not once did my brother stop to check out someone else. Not one guy turned his head. His eyes were focused on Ryan the entire time. And I wondered, what would it feel like to have someone look at me like that and find favor instead of fault?

Ryan stopped to say hi to his friend who owned a bakery cart, Sweeter By The Dozen, and Carson bought him a cupcake, and then fed it to him with hearts in his eyes. My last girlfriend told me I chewed too loudly. I doubt she wanted to feed me anything.

He stopped twice to point out things in the window displays that Ryan might like. So considerate. My ex, Susannah, was always showing me thingssheliked, whether they were for her or me. It really didn’t matter to her, as long as she got what she wanted.

After we bought the shirts, he ducked into the coffee shop, Perk and Grind, and treated Ryan to a latte. I racked my brain trying to remember the last time a girl treated me to anything.

Nope, not once.

My brother’s suggestion started to sink into my subconscious. What if I dated a man? Would that make me the ‘woman’in the relationship? Would I have to act subservient and submissive? Would they treat me to coffee and cupcakes and hold my hand?

Part of me felt very comfortable with that idea. With women, I never felt obliged to take the initiative when it came to affection.

Maybe Iwassubmissive?

How could I reconcile that with the other half of me that needed to take charge of every situation, to keep everyone organized and everything running smoothly. I didn’t know how to sit back and be meek and not try to manage every outcome.

It’s like there were two halves of me warring for control. And the more I indulged these questions, the less I felt I knew about myself.

I was so confused.

Which one of those people was the real Carlisle Carrick?

Was it possible to be both?

2

RORY

It felt almostsurreal to be back in my hometown. After the opulence of Dubai and Qatar, where everything was built on a grand scale, Cooper’s Cove seemed like a quiet, tiny little storybook town. Overseas, everything was built to impress, to show the world they were a country to be taken seriously, worthy of competing in the global financial markets. The height of their buildings, the quality of their clothing and food, the entertainment and nightlife; everything was larger than life.

Whereas Cooper’s Cove was quieter, the traffic was sparse, the buildings infinitesimally smaller. It was a different way of life. It felt like an entirely different universe.

But I was glad for it. I was done with the world of high-powered security for big corporations that played in the oil fields and tech markets. I came back home to put down roots. The considerable fortune I’d saved while overseas was being used to start up my own private security firm. I didn’t have big ideas about international growth. I just wanted to live a modest comfortable life. To sit behind a desk with my ass planted in an ergonomically cushioned leather chair.

I wanted to ride my motorcycle on the weekends with my buddies, and most of all, I hoped to find a special someone to settle down with. A sweetheart of a man that I could make a home with. For years, as I stood guard over the rich and powerful, I longed to make my way back to my hometown, put down lasting roots, and find love. To me, those were the things that mattered most, the things that added to the quality of life. Not drinking champagne from Baccarat crystal and wearing gleaming gold watches on your wrist. Driving in limousines and flying in private jets was for somebody else. I wanted no part of that life any longer. I just couldn’t find the meaning in it. All the money in the world couldn’t lessen the feeling of loneliness, no matter who you paid to surround yourself with.

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