Page 21 of Madness

I watched as his teeth sank into my flesh. After a minute, he drew back. We both stared at the mark he’d left. A purple bruise was already blooming, stark against my pale leg.

Maddox smiled his sick, sadist smile as he pulled my tights up the rest of the way. Then he fixed my skirt and pushed back.

The sudden urge to reach out and grab him passed over me. It was stupid, crazy; I didn’t want to touch him. He was forcing me to do this. I didn’t want to be here.

I looked down at the floor as I walked towards the door. I was afraid if I looked at him, I would be drawn back in. Or maybe I was afraid that I wouldn’t see what I wanted in his expression. I’d see nothing.

He’d brought out a part of me I’d buried, and I wanted it to affect him the way it affected me. But I knew it didn’t. So I couldn’t look. I stared at the dark wood of the door like it held the answers.

I paused before opening it. My voice was a whisper in the dark room. “What do you want from me?”

Maddox chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound. “I want you to break.”

12

Kincaid

Iwalked out of my bathroom wearing a robe with a towel wrapped around my hair. My eyes immediately went to the envelope of cash sitting on my nightstand. It had been shoved under my door while I was sleeping last night. My cheeks burned as embarrassment flooded my body.

I should be more embarrassed about the money. I should feel like a hooker, but I was more upset that I’d liked it. If I could convince myself it was all about the money, that I had done it to pay off Mom’s medical bills, then maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad. But it wasn’t the only reason, and I knew it.

I’d been intrigued by the ideas of pain and submission for a long time. I just didn’t expect someone like Maddox to see it in me. Or be the one to touch me. He was a demon; it made sense for him to get off on inflicting pain. But I’m normal. Vanilla.

Could I really keep calling myself that after last night?

Probably not. But I refused to believe this was in my control. I didn’t want this. I was forced into it. Even if I didn’t need the money, Maddox would’ve found another way to keep me. Break me.

I wasn’t going to break through. He could use my body against me, make me come, come on my skin. Tease out my fears and desires. And I still won’t break for him.

I couldn’t. All I had was me. There was no one to pick up the pieces if I shattered.

My heart rate kicked up as a knock sounded on my door, but it relaxed again when I remembered Tessa was stopping by. I pulled open the door, and she breezed in, bringing with her the scents of lilacs. She kicked off her shoes and flopped onto my bed.

I opened my nightstand drawer to quickly shove the envelope in before lying down next to her. I didn’t want to answer any questions about where the money had come from. I couldn’t even answer my own questions about why I’d done it.

“Can we just spend our whole day off like this?” Tessa said.

I stared up at the cracks in my dingy white ceiling. Sometimes when I couldn’t sleep at night, when the neighbors were screaming at each other, or my mind wouldn’t quiet, I tried to find patterns in the imperfections. Today there weren’t any patterns to be found. It was interconnected lines or chaos, just like my mind.

“We might want to eat at some point and use the bathroom.” I said.

Tessa let out a long sigh next to me. “I guess.”

We fell into silence again, lost in our thoughts. This was the kind of friendship we had. We could talk about everything or nothing. We could fill the space around us with empty words, or we could sit in each other’s company, not needing anything but the comfort of her soul quietly next to mine.

From the outside, it might not seem like we shared any similarities. Tessa was raised by a rich aunt who provided for her but didn’t love her. My mother loved me endlessly but couldn’t provide for me. She was strong and confident, where I was quiet and shy. But we both knew the burn of grief. How it lived in you. Never truly went away.

We were both survivors. But I’d survived by making myself invisible. By burying my problems and dealing with them on my own. Tessa shoved her problems in your face and then kicked them in the nuts. She tore through life like it owed her for what she’d suffered. That’s why she was a dancer, and I was a waitress. She wanted to be on display. The attention fueled her. I wanted to hide. Fade into the background.

But in the end, it didn’t matter because we found ourselves in the same place. Alone.

“How’s it going with that guy?” I asked.

Tessa let out a humorless chuckle. “You make it sound like I’m dating him.”

She had an agreement to spend time alone with an older guy who came into the club. He paid her for her company. I had never cared about it before, but now I was curious.

“Do you ever feel…used?” I tugged on the ties of my robe, suddenly nervous. I didn’t want her to suspect why I was asking.

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