Page 10 of Madness

I looked around my tiny apartment, checking to see if anything was out of place. I don’t know why I thought it would be. Fear did funny things to the mind.

It was all one room. My twin bed was pushed under the window at the back; to my left was the kitchenette that was barely big enough for me to stand in; the door to the right led to the bathroom. My nightstand and bed were the only pieces of furniture. I slept, ate, and watched TV there. This was all I could afford.

I ignored the bills sitting on my nightstand as I stripped off my clothes. I’d taken my tights off at work because I couldn’t walk with the fishnets digging into my crotch without the underwear to stop them. So instead, I had to work the rest of my shift with nothing under my skirt. At least it was tight enough that I don’t think anyone could see.

I walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I didn’t bother waiting for it to warm up. It never stayed warm anyways. The cold water abraded my skin, and I let it. I let the chill wash away the memories from tonight. It dug into my bones and froze my brain. But it wasn’t enough.

I kept picturing the stranger’s lifeless dark blue eyes. The tattoos peaking out behind his shirt. His strong fingers. His deep hypnotic voice.

I could still smell the smoky scent that clung to him. It wasn’t the unpleasant smell of cigarettes. It was the warmth of a fire. The crackling and flames that held happy memories. I could feel his breath on my skin, his teeth biting me. I ran my hand over the marks he’d left.

I grabbed a washcloth and rubbed at them. I knew it wouldn’t get rid of them, but maybe if I rubbed hard enough, I wouldn’t feel him anymore. After a few minutes, I gave up. It was a wasted effort. I wasn’t going to forget him or the way he made me feel anytime soon. I wasn’t going to be able to push aside the tremors I still felt from the best orgasm of my life.

I washed my hair and tried to push away the thoughts that assaulted me. I’d let a stranger, a demon, touch me. He could hide behind his expensive suit. Behind the sophisticated mask he wore, but I saw him for what he was. He was dark and dangerous. He was a monster. And I’d let him take control of me. Hurt me. And…I liked it.

No!

No, I didn’t like it. I couldn’t like it. I was normal. I couldn’t let someone like that into my life. He could destroy all the walls and doors I kept around myself.

Then why had I let it happen? The door in my mind rattled. My eyes flew open, and I stared at the shower wall. The old tiles were stained so deep no scrubbing would get rid of it. The water beat down on my back.

Why had I pushed him? Maybe if I’d given in, he would’ve let me go. I wouldn’t feel this embarrassment if I’d flirted with him like I did the other men. I should feel more than embarrassment. I should feel violated, but I didn’t.

I wasn’t mad at myself for allowing it to happen; a part of me knew there was nothing that would’ve stopped him. I was mad because as much as I wanted to hate it, him, I didn’t. Instead, I was intrigued. I wanted to know why my body reacted like that. Why I had craved his touch. The pain.

I turned off the water and got out. I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I wiped the water away. My eyes locked in on the bite marks on my neck. My core clenched, and my skin heated. I

let out a long breath as I dressed in a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up my body. I brought the blanket all the way over my head as if I was hiding from someone.

The illusion and the quiet of the night gave me the freedom to open the door in my mind. The door I never let anyone see behind. My darkest desires swirled like smoke in my head. Belts, ties, whips, and chains. Pain. Loss of control. A faceless man taking from my body without permission until there was nothing left.

The fantasies I used when I touched myself. The things I would never be able to tell anyone I wanted. But the demon had seen them.

Suddenly the faceless man in my mind wasn’t faceless anymore. Instead, he had blue eyes, dark hair that curled on his forehead, and hard muscles. He had strong fingers that wrapped around my throat.

I closed my eyes and pushed the thoughts behind the door again. That would never happen. I couldn’t let it happen. Not only because I didn’t trust him but because I didn’t trust myself. If I let those thoughts come out to play, what would become of me? I was like an addict. I’d ruin my life to make those fantasies come true.

Sometimes I wondered if I should just let the depraved part of me win. It’s not like I had much of a life. No family, working in that club, struggling to make ends meet.

But I’d told my mom I’d live for both of us. So I pushed forward. I survived. Even as it slowly killed me.

8

Maddox

Tristan’s cigarette glowed orange in the night. I could just see Bash glaring at him from the shadows. The three of us were waiting for my contact in the Gallo Family. He was supposed to meet us thirty minutes ago, and my patience was thin.

I had been bored all week. There hadn’t been any action since I found the cockroach outside the gambling club. Now I was wasting my time waiting for a junkie.

Usually, I would feel a rush knowing I was going to extract information from someone. I would relish the horror on his face while I forced him to make an impossible choice. While I held his life, metaphorically, in my hands. Sometimes literally, but unfortunately, that wasn’t the plan tonight.

I needed him alive to keep feeding us information from his bosses. Their play had escalated. Instead of simply stealing our business, they attacked one of our clubs. Killing workers and customers. Our numbers were suffering because customers were fleeing to other clubs. We couldn’t prove it was the Gallos, but we had our suspicions.

But I wasn’t interested in serving the family tonight. My mind wasn’t here. It was focused on a little dove. On the feel of her silky skin beneath my fingertips. On the noises, she’d made when she came. On the taste of her that exploded on my tongue. She tasted like innocence and curiosity.

Kincaid.

It was funny that she thought she could hide from me. I had her name before I’d even left the club. I also had her address and a basic background check on her. I knew she was an only child, raised by her mother, who died a year ago. Her father was a high-powered political official who had never claimed her as his. I wondered if she knew that. By all accounts, he had no place in her life.

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