Page 21 of Madd Love

Rochelle talked to the detective Jason asked to come to the house. She laid it all out for him in detail. We showed him the pictures.

His expression had grown more and more stormy the longer he listened to her. Ro isn’t the first girl who has come forward about Alec. But the other girls changed their minds about following through. Or they didn’t have evidence to support their claims. And Alec Hawthorne doesn’t come across as the bad guy. He comes from a good family. Nicole Hawthorne is an upstanding member of the social elite.

It takes planning to arrest someone of his caliber. A solid case. Even if he is a monster. So we’re waiting… I’m waiting to see that fucker’s face when they cuff him. My God, I hope they do it in front of a crowd. And I’m waiting for the moment time runs out on the restraining order. And I’m waiting for Ivy to be released, back in my arms. Where she should be.

I can’t help feeling like I screwed up when I told Nicole we were going after Alec. And I screwed up when I hit that asshole reporter. And I failed fucking spectacularly by not being there when Ivy needed me.

The bag swings back and I take the body hit. My hands are numb and my vision is blurred with my perspiration. Blood drips where it has soaked through the wraps.

I tear at the taut cloth until it comes loose and unravels. Peeling them from my skin, I toss them aside and assess the damage.

The plink of a single drop of blood hitting the gym floor is like the boom of a drum. One drop turns into a puddle at my feet. There’s so much blood. Too much for battered knuckles. My heart beats on my tongue and my hands shake as I flip them palm up. They are the color of rust. Red runs over my wrists and all the way down my elbows. I choke on the sweet-metallic stench. Swallow against my stomach, which tries to revolt.

I was supposed to keep Ivy safe. Instead I let her go. And every moment since has been hell.

“Need to get something off your chest?”

“Huh?” I glance up from my hands and lock eyes with my twin. There’s concern written all over his face as he approaches. I glance back at my hands… sweaty and free from any traces of blood. I’ve scrubbed them so many times they’re cracked and raw. I drop my gaze to the floor again… it’s pristine.

I rub one hand over the other. It doesn’t seem to matter how clean I get them… I keep seeing her on that floor in Narnia. Her skin is almost as pale as the carpet. Her wrists are slashed brown and bright red.

When I close my eyes it only intensifies the memory. No matter how hard I try to block the scene out I keep recalling details I don’t remember noticing at the time. How she was wearing one of my T-shirts. How there were bruises on her wrist.

I grind the heel of my hand into my eye. I haven’t slept in days. Can’t eat. Can’t concentrate.

“You can’t get it out of your head,” Rebel says. It’s not a question. There’s recognition in his gaze, so identical to mine as he joins me in the middle of the gym. “There’s something about that much blood.”

I grit my teeth hard enough to cause a headache. I got there in time… I know that. I saw her in recovery with my own eyes. Still, nothing stops me from finding her over and over on a loop in my head. Seeing her blood all over my hands. My heart stops now the same way it did then. My voice catches on the wetness at the back of my throat. “She almost died.”

“But she didn’t die.” He grabs my shoulders and forces my focus. “You got to her in time.”

"Did I?” Because it doesn’t feel like it. Not when she’s still not safe. Not when I’m blocked from even being in the same vicinity. “It feels like they’re going to find a way to keep her from me.”

“She is safe. You have to keep hold of that,” he says.

“It’s not enough.” I shrug off his grip. Turn my back on him. I thought if I loved her and kept her out of Alec’s way that I could protect her. But when she told me she’d been in his crosshairs all along I let her down. I told her to leave. I broke her heart. I broke my own too. “I should have been there from the get-go. I should never have been anywhere but there with her.”

It’s my fault. I can’t block out the little voice that has been growing louder and louder with every passing minute since I found her. Can’t quiet it. Can’t stop thinking that I could have changed all of this if I’d just been there. That I might as well have held that blade myself. Now I’m fucking powerless. “Fuck.”

He tosses me a towel. “We’ll fix this.”

“How?” I can’t leave the compound without the paparazzi chasing me and asking a million questions. And that jackass security guard didn’t only tell his girlfriend that Ivy and I were married, he spilt the tea all over social media.

Our fake as fuck marriage, that Ivy probably doesn’t remember because of the anesthetic, has taken on a life of its own.

Summer had to ad-lib the press release to include how thrilled the family was about the nuptials since walking it back would have made me look even worse. And given Nicole an edge in her attack on me.

Our marriage is damn well trending under #maddlove; a play on our last names that the public decided to run with.

And #playboywifed, like the idea that this player could settle down with anyone is of fairytale proportions. People are gushing about how romantic it is that the two of us could work past the war between our families and fall in love. They’re posting images of what dress they think Ivy might have worn and what super-secret location we used to exchange vows.

Honestly those posts are the closest I get to feeling hope. There’s something about the idea that allows me to imagine the future might not be so bleak as the present.

But then people are also posting their opinions on us with the hashtag #abusivehusband and that makes me want to punch a bag until my knuckles bleed.

I wipe the sweat from my brow. “It’s a clusterfuck. And we haven’t found Adira.”

It’s like he disappeared off the face of the planet. I can’t just stand around doing nothing, but my hands are trussed up behind my back. I can’t find Adira. Can’t take on Alec. Can only wait for Ivy to be released. I won’t breathe freely again until she is.

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