Page 29 of Made For Me

I shake my head no and I look at Matthew. “Thank you for coming,” I say, and I can’t even look in his eyes because I’m afraid I’ll see disappointment in them.

I walk with my head down to the bathroom, and I’m about to close the door when I feel a hand slap the door. “Are you okay?” Chase stands there asking me silently.

“Remember when you brought me home two days ago?” I ask him and he just looks at me. “I thought I wouldn’t survive that night.” The words don’t stop there. “I think this is even worse than the last time.”

“Do you want me to run a bath for you?” he asks and I gasp.

“Your father is here with Max,” I whisper-yell. “They already thought you knocked me up.”

“Only my father thought that.” Chase puts his hands in his pockets. “Max thought I hit you.”

“I just need to splash water on my face and I’ll be out,” I assure him and he just looks at me. “I might even throw up, depending on how the next two minutes go.”

“I’ll be outside waiting for you,” he says and steps out of the doorway and closes the door with him. I don’t bother locking the door, because let’s face it, the three of them can smash down the door with one hand.

Walking over to the sink I turn on the cold water, avoiding looking at myself in the mirror. I can’t even imagine how I look. I cup my hand under the cold stream of water, waiting for my hands to fill up, before splashing the water on my face. I repeat it three times before I turn the water off and look at myself in the mirror. For the first time I look how I feel, destroyed. I grab a towel and dab my face before I take a huge deep breath and walk out.

I don’t know what to expect, to be honest, and when I walk in, the three of them are sitting on the couches. Max and Matthew sit on one couch facing Chase, neither of them says a word. The bottle of scotch is in front of Chase with the glass I poured and never drank, beside it the folded papers I was served. My stomach spins, and I think I’m going to be sick, but when I see Chase stand, all I can do is walk over to him. “We should get this over with,” I say, sitting down and putting my hands on my knees, ignoring how much they are shaking. “Wow, I thought this would be easy.” I laugh but a sob comes from me and I put the back of my hand to my mouth. “Sorry,” I say, shaking my head and Chase gets up, walking into the kitchen. He grabs a water bottle from the fridge. He comes back, sitting next to me, and hands me the bottle of water. “Thank you,” I say, and he waits for me to take a sip. The cold liquid hits my mouth and it takes everything to swallow past the lump. I put the bottle on the table in front of me, next to the white papers.

Matthew leans forward. “If someone doesn’t tell me what the fuck is going on…” He looks at Max. “How are you so cool?”

“I’m giving her a second to compose herself.” Max smiles at me. “Take your time.”

“I mean, there is no good way to say this,” I start to say, and I feel Chase put his hand on my back. “Last week I had a case where I was supposed to take away the little girl from the mom.” I try to keep it as simple as possible, without telling them any confidential information. “She was with me for a while. She was twenty-one, her child was two.”

“Fuck,” Matthew curses, sitting back on the couch and my legs start to shake up and down.

“Yeah, more or less,” I try to joke, but a tear escapes me. “Bottom line, I gave her one more chance.” My stomach tightens. “Sunday night I got a call that there was an accident.” My hands start to shake on my legs. Chase slides his hand between both of mine, the heat from his hand fills my whole body. I look over to him and offer him a smile, but nothing comes. All I can do is blink as the tears escape my eyes. I look back at Matthew and Max and it takes everything inside me to continue. “She died at the scene.” My voice cracks and I bend my head, and I can’t help the way my body shakes with tears. Chase takes his hand from mine and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him.

“It’s okay,” he comforts, kissing my head. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Take your time, sweetheart,” Max says and I look over at him. He’s not sitting with his back to the couch anymore. He’s sitting at the edge of the couch, his hands in the middle of his legs, folded. “Just take your time.”

I nod at him. “The baby survived.” The minute I say the words, Matthew hisses and I look over at him. He avoids looking at me, instead he looks off to the side.I probably disgust him. I need to get the hell out of here,is the only thing I can think of now. “There is no father in the picture, so the grandparents got emergency custody of the child.”

“Where is the child now?” Matthew looks at me and I can see the tears in his eyes.

“In the hospital,” Chase says for me. “She came in with her on Sunday. She has a couple of broken bones and needed surgery.”

“Today I went over there to see how she was doing,” I continue the story, “and I was served with papers.”

“What papers?” Max says. I lean forward and pick up the white folded papers that will change everything. “They are suing me for emotional distress of a minor.” Even saying the words now, it feels surreal. As if I’m watching a movie about someone else.

“What. The. Actual. Fuck.” Matthew looks up to the ceiling.

“That,” I say, “and ten million dollars.” I shake my head and start to stand. “I have to go call the union rep.” I put my shoulders back as Matthew and Max just share a look. I wipe my eyes and bend to pick up the papers. “Then I’m going to head to work.” I look at Chase, who stands next to me, his hands still on my shoulders. “I know it’s a lot to take in,” I say, looking back at Max and Matthew. “But I was doing what I thought was right. I’m going to call Jillian and my mother after I find out more.” I move away from Chase’s touch, not sure how much longer I can act strong. “I’ll let you know what happens.” I look at Chase, who just stares at me.

I don’t know if it’s because Matthew and Max are here that he lets me leave, but he does. I make sure I hold my head up while I walk to the door. The minute it’s closed behind me and I’m in the elevator, I let my shoulders fall.

Only when I’m in the lobby of the building do I realize that I don’t have my car. I’m about to call an Uber when my phone rings. I look down and see it’s the only other person in the world I can turn to. “Jillian.” I say her name and my voice cracks right before the sob rips through me.

CHAPTER18

Chase

I stand here and watch her walk with her shoulders back and her head held high. My eyes never leave her as she walks around the corner, the sound of the door opening and then slamming shut makes my chest contract. Sitting next to her while she told them the story, I wanted to grab her and hug her the whole time. I wanted to shield her from everything. The need to put her behind me so I can suffer the wounds filled my body. Nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for how raw her voice was. How she had the courage to lay out everything in front of the both of them was everything.

Having all the balls in the world to tell them what was going on with her, and then looking at the two of them not saying anything, I wanted to jump up and ask them what the fuck was going on. Why were they sitting here so calm and not burning down the house? Why the fuck was no one telling her it was going to be okay? Why the fuck wasn’t my father trampling over her to get the papers? I had no idea what was going on and I hated every single second. I should have counted to ten before I turned my wrath on them, I should have done a lot of things, but I didn’t. I’m my father’s son after all, so I was ready to go to war with the only two people I thought would help her, yet let her leave. By. Herself. I should kick my own fucking ass for not going after her and leaving her all alone.

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