Page 66 of Sin with Me

Jaxon maneuvers himself between my legs and deepens the kiss. His hips grind against mine and gentle hands slide my dress farther up until I’m fully exposed from the waist down. He lifts himself off me long enough to let his eyes explore my bare skin and pink lacy panties. He wets his lips and lowers his body back onto mine. My mind flashes back to an afternoon years ago on my mom’s sofa with Carter Boyd. I didn’t want Carter, and not a single part of my body wants Jaxon.

I keep telling myself to move on. I keep trying to convince my body that there are certain steps to take, and this is all part of a process.

My body’s not cooperating.

It does when I’m with Cal.

Jaxon’s kiss is better than I expected. But I still can’t bring myself to have sex with him just because he’s a nice guy and we’ve reached some sort of checkpoint. It’s my junior year all over again, and even though I’m not a virgin this time, I’m still not ready.

What if I did actually go through with it? What then? Would it be a one-night stand? And if it were just a one-night stand, would we still be friends after? There’s no way I can maintain an actual sexual relationship with this guy. I don’t even enjoy kissing him.

So, do I lose a friend over a one-night decision?

You’ll probably lose him either way.

She’s right. The little angel on my shoulder. She’s always right. If I push Jaxon away this time, I doubt I get another chance.

But I can’t help it. I can’t do this.

“Jaxon, I can’t.” I hold my hands against his chest. “I’m really sorry,” I say just as he was about to kiss me again.

His dark eyes search mine for any indication I may be bluffing. When he doesn’t find it, he moves his hand from underneath my thigh and sits up. He strokes my cheek and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear.

God, I feel like complete shit. Why do I have to be so screwed up? Why can’t I just be normal?

“Don’t be,” he says, “I understand.”

I lay in silence while his fingertips roam mindlessly over the leg I now have draped across his lap. He stares blankly at the television that has not yet been turned on.

“So, how’s the new girl working out?” I ask, trying to make conversation.

“Great. She’s a fast learner.”

I bet she is.

Jaxon’s fingers travel a little too far up my thigh, and he immediately pulls his hand back as if I had shocked him.

He clears his throat and smiles apologetically. “I should be going. You’re not an easy woman to resist.”

“I really am sorry,” I say, removing my legs from his lap. Then I sit up straight.

“I told you, don’t be. Just being with you like this is enough. Thank you for taking the night off.”

I walk him to the door and softly stroke his cheek as I look up into his gentle eyes. How can I not be attracted to this man? He is remarkably thoughtful, incredibly attractive, and he wants me.

I must be crazy.

I tell him goodbye and wave as I watch him drive away.

Ryleigh is in town for the weekend, and Brynn has declared Saturday night a girls’ night out.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she yells over the music.

The club is crowded as usual, and we’re standing not far from the bar, where an out-of-towner just generously supplied each of us with a drink. After three attempts at conversation, he finally got the hint I’m not interested and wandered away.

I take a sip through the thin red straw. “What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“If you’re waiting for another guy like my brother, you should just give it up now, because he was one of a kind,” a nicely buzzed Ryleigh reminds me.

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