Page 39 of Broken

It was the first day of summer, and Mia had convinced me to wear a skirt to the party, she wore one, and she thought it would be cute if we matched.

"Adam came back and told me I was hot waiting on his car like that. He said how the guys he talked to called him lucky to have me to himself now that you were with Katie. It made me blush, and I think I giggled."

I snorted at the idea of me giggling and acting shy at a compliment from Adam. Quiet and attentive, he waited for me to continue.

"He was a gentleman at first. Asked if he could kiss me, and I said yes. We kissed on the trunk for a while. It wasn't bad until his hands started to move. I pushed his hands away when he tried to put them between my legs. But when he moved them up my shirt, I figured it was okay, safe almost, so I didn't stop him.

"We kissed some more, and Adams's hands started to roam, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I tried to stop him; I really didn't feel comfortable with where he wanted things to go."

I took a deep breath and looked into Kai's eyes, with no judgment, no accusations, just love, and patience. I kept going.

"He was rubbing my thigh, and each time he made a pass, his hand would move up further. I knew what he wanted, but I didn't think I could give it to him, so I stopped him. I told him I was uncomfortable, and that I didn't want to do it.

"Adam said that as a man, he needed me. That it hurt him physically when we would hang out and it would leave him hot and bothered. He said he needed to be with me, badly." I got to the hardest part; Adam was one of Kai's best friends.

What I prepared to say would either break the bonds between me and Kai or break his heart.

Kai didn't interrupt, he didn't look anything less than attentive and understanding.

"So, I asked him to go slow. He promised to stop if I said to. But after making out for a while, he wanted me to touch him as he touched me." God, I sounded like a child, reliving this. I worried that Kai would see me the way I felt right now, dirty, childish, and broken.

I knew the correct terms for what I described but reliving this moment I couldn't find the words.

"I tried; I really did." I started to cry.

" I wanted to be his girlfriend. I wanted what you and Katie had, and I wanted to make you jealous. I didn't want to disappoint or hurt Adam, but he didn't know things, he didn't know how uncomfortable he made me, at least I didn't think he did. I was too embarrassed to tell him.

"I wonder now if I told him about my parents and how I hated being touched back then, maybe he would be here today." That revelation hit me in the gut.

"Babe, none of what happened is your fault." Kai comforted me.

"I do." With a deep breath, I continued. " By the time I started asking Adam to stop, he had my panties off, and we, well I tried. I wanted to try, but once his dick got close, I panicked. I couldn't do it."

"Baby, you don't have to continue." Kai held me, rubbing my back in comfort.

"It's fine. I need to get this out."

My tears flowed freely at this point, but I didn't stop talking, I needed to finish this if there would be any kind of hope for us.

"He didn't listen though, he pushed inside me, he forced himself on me, and I cried. He raped me, Kai. Right there on the trunk of his car. I didn't know Noah had come to the party until he pulled Adam off me.

"Noah was going to kill him. He was on top of him, hitting him. If I didn't beg him to stop, he would have beaten Adam to death right there."

I swallowed. Kai shook, and anger rolled off his body like a heat wave. Noah picked me up and drove me into town. Woke your dad and made him examine me, he made sure I was okay and did bloodwork to check for STDs because Adam didn't use a condom.

"After the exam, Noah drove me to get food and we talked. I made him promise not to tell you, Mia, or anyone else. He hated the idea of keeping this from you guys, but I didn't want anyone to be angry with me.

"When we pulled up to my house, Adam had been drinking, he yelled for me to come out. Noah told me to stay in the car, and that he would calm Adam down. But my father came out of the house. He just got out of prison, and he was sober then, remember?"

Kais's nod confirmed that he did in fact recall the brief period of my life when my parents were sober. "I heard Adam yell at my father. He screamed at him saying 'You didn't teach your little whore right' Adam said that maybe if he beat me more, I wouldn't say no."

I focused on the horizon which now changed colors from the dark night sky to the early morning lavender and pink.

"Noah and I sat there and watched as my father beat Adam. My mother tried to stop him, but he smacked her. So, Noah took me to your parents' house, and I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, when I woke up in Noah's bed, you were pissed because you thought I slept with your brother. Adam was dead, and my father went back to jail"

I let the tears roll down my cheeks, I never told anyone but the police the whole story. I felt a weight come off my soul as I told Kai what happened, but memories broke me all over again.

"Kai, if I had said yes, Adam might not have died. My father might not have killed himself. It's my fault they're gone."

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