Page 37 of Texas-Sized Scandal

He took a deep breath. “The truth is I liked being part of his crew. And though the...”

She didn’t want to know if he’d killed someone or beat someone up... Did she? “Activity?” she supplied.

“Yes. Though the activity wasn’t something I could stomach, I liked being part of the family. Having the other guys around me. It was hard to walk away from. Harder than I’d like to admit. And then because I had ridden with him for a few weeks, my uncles and cousins didn’t want me to walk away.”

“What did you do? Did you kill someone?”

“No. I’d never do that. In fact, that was why I left. Like I said, riding with the crew was fun. It was like having brothers and for the first time in my life, I wasn’t getting the stink eye from others because I was a Bartelli. I was accepted just for who I was. My dad sent me on collection runs to pick up money and stuff like that. But on my last ride...things went south, and my cousin Pauley pulled his gun and shot two guys. I just stood there. I have to be honest, Melinda. I was freaking out. This guy had been laughing and joking with me seconds before.

“Pauley took one look at my face and knew that I wasn’t going to be able to help him and told me to get out of there. I did. Ran straight back to my grandparents and I haven’t spoken to my dad since.”

He saw the horror on her face, and he didn’t blame her at all. Eighteen had been a long time ago and he’d been young and stupid. But the worst part was believing he could walk away. That the weeks he’d spent running with the Bartelli family wouldn’t have a lasting effect. Until he got engaged. Then he saw the truth. How some of his goombahs had never forgiven him for the way he left. And they never would.

“That’s why I can’t be the family man you want me to be,” he said, quietly.

She shook her head. “I’m horrified that you had to go through that. That your father put you in that situation. I knew you wouldn’t knowingly harm anyone.”

He could hear her working her way through the story he’d just told her, and this was the thing about Melinda that always made him regret that he wasn’t a better man. She was going to find a way to use that to make him stronger in her own eyes. He’d honestly never met anyone who was determined to see the best in people. But he knew he wasn’t the best. He’d taken the easy way out too many times. Running back to Nonno where he’d known that his father wouldn’t follow.

His grandparents had been disappointed, but they’d understood his need to see for himself the man his father was. His dad tried to talk to him, but Slade had refused. He didn’t want any part of that life. His cousins had beat him up after school and threatened to kill him if he ratted out Pauley, which Slade had no intention of doing. He wanted nothing to do with the Bartelli family. But once he left to go to college in Austin, he called the tip line and reported the crime. He hadn’t been able to live with the knowledge that he’d witnessed those deaths. It didn’t matter that the men who’d been killed had been rough criminals.

“I could never hurt anyone,” he agreed. “But that’s what the Bartelli family does. And if I’m in our child’s life, then you and our child will be targeted by the family. I have no way of protecting you.” He’d just named his deepest, darkest fear out loud and to be honest, it sounded even worse now that he’d done that. He wanted to be the man who protected her, not the one who led her to a place she could never come back from.

“You have one,” she said.

“What’s that?” he asked. Melinda was smart; maybe she saw something he didn’t.

“Go to your dad, tell him you want a new life with me and that he needs to ensure that his family knows you aren’t going to ever be a part of it,” she said.

“My dad... Why would he do that? He wouldn’t lift a finger to help my fiancée.”

“Did you ask him to?” she asked carefully.

“I sent word to him through one of my cousins,” he said. He hadn’t been able to ask his father; he’d been afraid he might say no. That had been the one thing that Slade had never been able to understand about himself. He wanted to hate his father but he’d never been able to. He still loved his dad. Still wanted him to be the kind of father who protected his kid... Damn, his own kid was going to feel the same way.

He didn’t know how he was going to live with knowing he was hurting Melinda’s child.

“I can only tell you that from what I’ve observed, some men mellow as they get older,” she said, “and if he has a chance to see our child...maybe that will be enough.”

He shook his head. “He’s dead to me. I won’t ask him for anything.”

“You’re being stubborn about this.”

He was, but there were some things that he wouldn’t back down on, and his father was one of them. He didn’t know if it was pride or just resentment that his dad had failed him so massively when he’d been a teenager, but he wasn’t going to ask him for anything. Not now. Not even for Melinda.

“Maybe, but this isn’t something I’m willing to do,” he said. “I don’t expect you to understand. Despite his shady dealings, your father has always been a solid figure in your life.”

She chewed her lower lip and put one hand on her hip. “I think you’re being an ass about this. We could have everything. A real engagement and a real wedding. We could raise this baby together. I would do anything that I needed to in order to make that happen.”

He knew she would. She’d been like that from the moment she found out about the baby. Or from the moment he’d found out. She’d looked at him with hope in her eyes and he’d panicked and done what he could to protect her. But he was being the man Melinda needed him to be and not himself.

Every time he’d stepped away from owning his actions, it had backfired. Much like this entire morning was. She wanted something from him because she thought if he did this—went to his dad and asked him for something—then everything was going to be fine.

But it wouldn’t be. He was a man who’d spent all of his adult life on his own, not having anyone dependent on him, and that enabled him to make risky decisions in business. To have fun when he wanted to. And not hurt anyone else because of his family name.

“I wish it were that easy, Melinda. That you could wave your magic wand and I’d become the man you want me to be. I think you’ve been seeing me as someone else. Some kind of prince like those heroes in the books you like to read. But I’m not that guy.”

She shook her head.

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