Page 38 of Texas-Sized Scandal

“You could be.”

He didn’t think it was possible to hurt like this, but he did. He was frozen with a desire to be that man she wanted at the same time he was facing the reality of who he was. He didn’t want to disappoint her but if he weren’t true to himself, what kind of man would he be?

He wasn’t willing to risk it or try to find out.

“I’m not going to do it,” he said. “I will not talk to my father. I can’t be a family man, because it’s not the life I chose. And we’re not children, Melinda, so I know you can understand that.”

She wasn’t having it and he didn’t blame her. But he had never felt anything like this fear he felt when he thought of her getting to know his Bartelli family. He knew how quickly they could turn from normal to criminal. In a blink of an eye. He didn’t want her or any child of theirs near that kind of life. And if that meant he had to spend the rest of his life without her...then so be it.

He’d rather she be alive and safe than with him for a short time.

“You could if I meant more to you,” she said.

“You know what you mean to me,” he retorted. He was trying to be cool, but it was harder than he thought. He was putting her first. Why couldn’t she see that and accept it and just let this lie?

“Do I?”

“Yes, you do and I’m not going to play this kind of game. One of the things I’ve always admired about you is how forthright you are. I’ve never had to pretend to be someone I’m not with you.”

“Good thing,” she said. “We know how much you have to be you.”

She turned away and he realized that he needed to do something to salvage this. “I’m sorry.”

She glanced back over at him, hope in her eyes, and he knew that unless he made a clean break, she was always going to be hoping he’d be that better man.

“Me too. I love you, Slade. I haven’t wanted to say it until we sorted everything else out, but my feelings aren’t going to change. I want you by my side when the child is born. I want to have a family with you. I can’t keep lying about that. I think when I said yes to the charade, I figured you’d come around to making it real. Have you?”

Everything inside of him froze. She loved him. He had both wanted that and feared it from the moment he’d seen those pregnancy tests lined up on her bathroom counter. Melinda Perry was everything he never knew he wanted in a woman and nothing hurt him more than knowing if he tied his life to hers, she’d be bound by the same prejudice and gossip and rumors that had plagued him his entire life. And she deserved better.

This was his nightmare. She was asking him for something that he’d already promised himself he’d never take a chance on. “Melinda, didn’t you hear what I said?”

“I did, but I thought if you knew how much I care about you...if you saw me taking a chance on us, then you’d be able to as well,” she said. “Can you?”

Dammit.

He couldn’t think of anything to say. He just stood there, watching her, and he saw her hope die and finally she shook her head.

“I deserve a man who can stand by my side, and our child deserves a father who will be a part of its life. I understand your fears, but you were a boy, alone and unsure. Our child could have both of us. If not, it will have me, and I will never let anyone—including you—hurt him or her.”

“I understand. I can’t be that man.”

“If you can’t be the man I need you to be, then I guess this is it,” she said.

He watched as she took his ring from her finger—the ring Nonna had given him to give to her—and she handed it to him. “I’m going to get in the shower and when I get out, I expect you to be gone.”

She walked away from him and all he could do was watch her leave. He gathered his stuff and walked away.

Thirteen

Melinda hadn’t been surprised when she came out of the bathroom and Slade was gone. What did surprise her was that he’d taken all of his stuff from her condo. It was as if he’d never been there except for the lingering scent of his deodorant, which he must have put on before leaving. Pixie was sitting on her pillow in the middle of a sunspot near the glass door, but Melinda couldn’t get her normal joy from seeing her dachshund.

Instead, she sat at her vanity and avoided looking herself in the eyes. She felt like crying but was trying not to because she had meetings to get through and without a doubt, the paparazzi would still be dogging her all day. She leaned forward, putting her head in her hands. She felt a little sick to her stomach and wasn’t sure if it was because she’d taken a gamble on love and lost or if it was the pregnancy.

She’d told herself and Slade she’d rather go it alone than with a man who didn’t want to be with her, but she didn’t want that. Sure, she could do it by herself but who wanted to do this alone. The nausea passed and she lifted her head. She wasn’t about to be someone that others felt sorry for. So that meant getting dressed and acting like she was happy with the choices she’d made this morning.

But she wasn’t.

After last night, she’d believed that Slade really cared about her, that he’d never let anyone hurt them. But now she knew he was afraid to be hurt. It was as if he thought that she would walk away when things got tough, like that fiancée who had left him.

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