Page 110 of In Control

But right now, I feel nervous as hell. Those uneasy butterflies have turned rabid in my gut and I think my knees may even be shaking. Because Rosie is right, the L word is a big deal and I’ve never felt it before. Standing in front of this pack and confessing how I feel, cracking myself open and letting them see all the squidgy bits inside me, is terrifying.

“I’ve developed feelings for you. All of you,” I spit out, determined to get straight to the point and not beat about the bush. “I have to confess that … that this is something completely new for me. I’m used to holding a lid on my feelings and my emotions. I’m used to having them under control. And all of a sudden, I feel anything but in control. Seeing,” I choke and it takes me a moment before I can find my voice again, “seeing you take that knife to your stomach,” I tell Esra, “made me realise how much you mean to me.” He goes to speak but I raise my hand. “But things have been messy between us all from the start, and asking me to be a part of the pack before we’ve even sorted through our feelings, it’s too fast, too much.” All four of them look like they might argue with me so I raise my hand once again to hush them all. “I want to see where this goes. I want to make this work. But let’s start over. Let’s start from the beginning. Let’s take it slow.” I smile. “I know that might be hard for all of us – we’re a million-mile-per-hour kind of people – but let’s at least try. Which means,” I say, addressing Esra again, “going to see the dean and declaring our relationship.”

He nods and I feel a little relief. It’s a risk. Esra may receive some disciplinary action, or maybe the punishment will be less official. He’s prepared to take that risk for me, though.

“If that’s what you want, Sophia,” he says. “We fucked things up,” Gabriel whacks him around the back of the head playfully, “Ifucked things up and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to win you over and make this work for all of us.”

“I didn’t handle things the best either,” I confess.

“None of us did.” Liam stands up from the sofa. “So let’s start from the beginning.” He motions towards the door.

“What?” I ask.

“Are you free on the 16th, Ms Valentine?”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Yes.”

“Then we’ll take you out on a date. Wine and dine you. If you’re lucky, it might be a curry house this time.”

He gives me a little nudge towards the door.

“Are you throwing me out?”

“I wouldn’t exactly put it like that, but, yes, I am. In two weeks’ time, our man, Esra, will be well on his way to recovery and in a better state to woo you too. We’re going to do this together, the right way.”

I laugh. “Are we allowed to message and call before then?”

“As long as you keep it clean.” I pout at him and he bends down to meet my eye with a stern look. “I don’t want my packmate busting stitches when you send him some eye-popping selfie, Sophia.”

“Fair point.”

Esra groans. “Two weeks!” Giving me a heated look before he throws his head back against the sofa. It makes my skin warm and sends those butterflies swooping. It’s been like that from the beginning with us, but I’ve waited long enough for him, I can wait a couple of weeks more. The suspense may even be pretty thrilling.

I blow Gabe a kiss and follow Liam back to the door.

“Are you going back to your place?” he asks, with a concerned look.

“No, I think I’m going to stay with Rosie for a bit.”

“I’ll drive you there now,” he tells me.

“No, I think actually I might walk.”

“It’s a hell of a way. Are you sure you’ll be OK?”

I give him a big grin. I’m feeling better than I have done in months and months.

“Yes.”

“I’m going to give you a respectable peck on the cheek now, Sophia.”

“Oh, you tease.”

But I savour the feel of his warm lips on my cheek and the leather scent in my nose.

“Do we really have to wait two weeks?” I sigh.

“I think we tortured Esra enough, don’t you? He’ll be pounding at my door if he hears you moaning in my bed, and I really don’t want blood all over my sheets.”

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