Page 42 of Written in the Charts

Evan

Two weeks after Christmas and I still hadn’t heard from Serah or Major Thurlow about the imaging results. I sat in the hallway outside the MRI lab for the second time, but this time Serah was meeting me. There was apparently a flaw in the files, some corruption or another due to a malfunction in the machine. I had to do the MRI all over again. The idea that the promotion was within my reach made the pain and frustration I’d been wrestling with for the past week more bearable.

People walked by me, some of them dressed in hospital gowns, some of them doctors wearing scrubs. An occasional nurse pushing a wheelchair passed, and the ding of the elevator down the hall kept me company. The place stank of cleaner and disinfectant. The worst smells in the world. I hated hospitals, but there I was, waiting for more tests.

Serah strolled up to me, dressed in fatigues and crushing her cap in her hand. Her blonde hair was tied up in a bun, a frown stretching across her face. She sat next to me in silence as we waited. I didn’t know what to say. I felt like if I opened the floodgates, she was going to get the hurricane of emotion I’d bottled up, but if I didn’t talk, she’d get the volcano anyway.

“So why are we redoing this?” I didn’t make eye contact when I spoke, instead preferring to match her hat-crushing gesture.

“The machine messed up. Thurlow wasn’t pleased with the X-ray alone. He wanted the MRI to be more definitive. He’s really looking at you for the promotion. I think he’s pulling for you to get it, but we need the MRI results to bring to the brass to prove you’re the guy.”

I glanced at her still-furrowed brow. “I’m sorry I keep going off on you, Serah. I know none of this is your fault. I just don’t know how to communicate what I’m actually thinking sometimes.” I needed a friend right about now, and Serah was the only person I could trust. Even though she had made work harder, I knew she cared.

“It’s okay. I know you’re going through some shit. I’m sorry I went about things the way I did. I wanted what was best for you.” She leaned forward and stuffed her hat in her pocket. “You need to talk?”

I shrugged. Fuck, did I ever need someone to talk to, but her? And this was such a heavy thing to deal with. My girlfriend was pregnant and hadn’t told me—after everything that had already happened in my life. I had every right to be upset, and I took advantage of that right.

I hum-hawed around, squeezing the hat and wringing it out in my hands. Her concerned expression, however, was what dragged it out of me. “I’m going to be a dad.”

“What? Oh, my God, congratulations...” She sounded happy at first, then dragged the word “congratulations” out as her pitch lowered. “You’re not happy?”

I stood and pressed my hand to my forehead, pacing. My boots squeaked on the floor with each step. “No, I am. I’m thrilled. I was so excited to become a dad when Misty told me she was—” Just saying her name filled me with rage. I had to stop talking and clench my jaw. “When she lied, that was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. I lost my family and my partner all at once.”

“So you’re afraid?” Serah stood and walked over to me. She took my hand and refused to let me pace anymore. “Do you know for a fact that it’s yours?”

I looked into her blue eyes, searching for some sort of anchor in this storm. “I mean, yeah. I think. There isn’t any reason for me to believe it’s not mine. It’s just that, well...”

“Out with it,” she ordered.

“Well, this happened before. When I first enlisted, she was pregnant and lost the baby. I only found out about that just before Thanksgiving.”

“So you’re hurt that she never told you?” She gestured at the seats, and I followed her lead, sitting back down. It felt good getting this off my chest, but it wasn’t helping me make any headway on what to do about it. I was going to be a father, and that meant more responsibility and even seeing Gypsy when I had no interest in ever seeing her again.

“Yeah. I am.”

“If I were you, I’d get a paternity test. That’s just wrong, you know? She’s hiding something.” Serah smacked my knee and sighed. “You’ve been through too much to put up with this shit again.”

“Captain Jones?” An orderly wearing white scrubs and carrying a clipboard walked up to us, and Serah popped out of her seat. They walked a few paces away and talked, and I sat there and stewed. Serah was right. I didn’t feel great about putting Gypsy through that, but it had to happen.

Resting my elbows on my knees, I buried my face in my hands, hat left lying on my lap. If Thurlow was actually looking at me for this promotion and this test was all that was left between me and deployment, then I needed to take it seriously. This choice to go through with the tests was more than just a choice for my military future. It was the final decision about whether I wanted Gypsy in my life.

I knew she’d hidden Chloe from me, but that hadn’t entirely been her fault. I had left. If I left this time, what would happen? I wrestled with the fact that I had concealed the promotion possibility from her, not having told her anything about it at all. I was going to tell her. I just didn’t want to tell her until I knew for sure. The words she said to me that night I saw the prenatals rang back to my memory now. She was going to tell me. She swore she would have told me.

If I hadn’t seen those vitamins, maybe she would have. Maybe that night was the special night, and maybe she had hesitated because once she found out about the deployment I could be sent out on, she got afraid. I grimaced into my palms, holding back the groan of frustration.

If I did the tests, there was the potential that I passed them, and then the promotion. I wouldn’t have a choice then. They’d promote me, deploy me, and I’d be stuck for nine months overseas. I’d miss the baby’s birth, and Gypsy would never speak to me again. I didn’t know if I wanted that.

I lowered my hands and looked up at Serah, who glanced compassionately at me. When she turned back to the orderly who spoke to her, I remembered how upset I’d gotten when she told Thurlow about my knee. She hadn’t tried to get me knocked out of the running, but it had complicated things. I was so upset. I really wanted this. I’d wanted back in the field for more than a year now.

I’d be damned if I’d let a woman who lied to me keep me from doing what I loved most—serving my country. So even if we did work things out, I wasn’t giving up my career for her.

When Serah gestured for me to come, I stood, grabbing my hat, and followed. I was going through with the tests because the military was the one thing in my life that was certain. My father had left. Misty had hurt me so badly I’d ended it. Gypsy was a huge question mark at this point. But serving in the army was constant. I needed that consistency if I was ever going to get my head straight. Gypsy would just have to understand. And I didn’t care if she didn’t.

CHAPTERTHIRTY

Gypsy

I held the phone to my ear with a trembling hand. I was so close to failing my classes it wasn’t funny. It had been weeks since I last spoke to Evan, and every night, my thoughts were continually on him. I couldn’t eat right. I wasn’t sleeping well. I had called in sick to work at least once a week. Dr. Marshal had asked me a number of times if I needed to take a semester off to get my head straight, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to finish. I was just struggling.

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