Page 40 of Love Rescheduled

“Are you going back to Tennessee?” I thought I should ask in case he had any trouble. I would know where to send help if need be. His old truck had a tendency to break down occasionally.

“Just long enough to catch a plane back to LA. I’m filming that damn pilot episode,” he spat.

I would have thought he would be over the moon about it. “Congratulations. I know that’s been your dream.”

His head snapped up. “It’s great. I get to trade one dream for the other,” he barked. “I guess you can’t have it all.”

His not-so-subtle swipe made me wriggle where I stood, inside and out. “I’m sorry, Josh. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know.” He zipped up his bag with a vengeance. “I should have never come.”

“Don’t say that,” I choked out, thinking it would have been for the best if he hadn’t come. Except then I might not have found out about the doctor’s handwashing habits until it was too late. I guess there was a silver lining.

“Why?” Josh pleaded to know.

“Because, as maddening as you are, I loved seeing you again. I love you.”

He looked up at the ceiling. “The crazy part is, I know you do. Damn it, Nat. It wasn’t supposed to end like this for us.”

Against my better judgment, I ran to him and threw my arms around him for the last time, even though I knew it would do me in.

He didn’t hesitate to wrap me up tight.

I nestled my head into his chest and sobbed while listening to the sound of his pounding heart. I soaked his shirt and breathed in his delectable scent, memorizing everything about him.

“I love you, Nat.” Josh stroked my hair.

I tilted my chin up to catch his gaze already fixed on me—my lips.

Desire swirled in his gorgeous chocolate eyes. “Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you and I won’t,” he whispered.

“Just because I want something doesn’t mean I’m supposed to have it.” Oh, but did I ever want his lips.

“Just because you’re afraid of something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have it.” He leaned in. “Remember that,” he said before his lips skimmed mine, testing the choppy waters we found ourselves on. When I didn’t pull away, his lips pressed harder, gently moving over mine at first, taking his time until his hands found their way to my face via the long way. They had taken their liberties as they went roving over all my curves. I didn’t mind. His touch enlivened me in a way nothing had in three years.

When his hands cupped my cheeks, his tongue unleashed its full power, prodding and tasting, until Josh groaned and my knees felt like they might buckle. Every feeling he had for me came crashing into my mouth. I felt the love, the anger, the hurt, his desire for more. The taste of the salt from both our tears mixed with it all.

I gripped his T-shirt, wishing for him to never let go but knowing we had to for both our sakes. As if he realized the same ugly truth, he abruptly pulled away.

We both took a deep breath in and out.

He stepped away, leaving me faltering. “The door is always open.” In a fluid move, he grabbed his bag and sprinted out the door, but at the last second, he turned around. “By the way, I told the doctor I was in love with you and … he saw the video. Don’t expect a phone call. I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” He flew out the door, shutting it so hard, the house shook.

All I could do was stand there immobilized, not caring if the doctor ever called. Josh’s words were assaulting my fragile heart. I wasn’t sure which hurt worse: when he’d told me three years ago I could never come back, or this moment, knowing the door was open and all I had to do was find the strength to walk through it. I wasn’t sure I could ever be that woman, as much as I wanted to be.

I lowered my shaky self onto the couch, sinking into it and wishing it could swallow me whole. Anything to take the pain away. Dang Josh for showing up just when I thought I had the perfect plan to find love. Part of me wanted to stick with the schedule just to prove him wrong, but the biggest part of me wanted to love myself enough to love him. The question was, how did I do that?

“Wow. We didn’t think you would actually kick him out.” Jolene sounded more than astonished over the phone when I told them Josh was gone.

“I didn’t exactly kick him out. He left because … wait. You didn’t think I could tell him to go?”

“Well, let’s be honest, did you?” Tara asked.

“No,” I whined, staring at Lord Mac, not wanting to work.

“If you didn’t kick him out, then why did he leave?” Jolene was curious.

I relayed everything to them, even the doctor who didn’t wash his hands in a public restroom. They were as grossed out by it as I was. I held back the kiss that infused my soul with all that was good in the world. “The real reason he left is because I don’t love myself enough to be with him.”

---