Page 55 of Love Rescheduled

“Do it,” Tara demanded. “We miss you.”

“I miss you guys, too. But you know it’s not that simple. We have some things to work out. Well, mostly, I feel like I need to figure out how to be a part of his life and not feel invisible or like I’m going to lose my mind.”

“So what are you going to do about that?” Jolene challenged me.

I stopped walking, noting her tone that said, It’s about time you truly take control of your life. A random thought popped into my head that all the things I’d tried to control were only keeping me from truly owning my life. Perhaps it wasn’t such a random thought as it was the truth. Was Alec right? Could letting go of others’ opinions actually give me the control I longed for? It would give me what I wanted most in my life—love. Love for myself and the love of my life—Josh.

“I’m going to do whatever it takes.”

The cold air whipped my cheeks as I sailed through the air on the swings. I hadn’t swung in forever and never on the swings in this park, though I walked by them almost every day. How sad was that? I had missed out on something I loved because they didn’t fit into my schedule. Josh convinced me to try them out after he charmed my favorite old men. He was good at that—helping me remember there is more to life than work and schedules. I should enjoy it, too. He exemplified that and other things as well. He was already best friends with Hal and Stu. They had planned a poker night for the next day. Josh was in charge of the chips and dip. He also got the guys to agree he should be the next man I went on a date with. Maybe my old men would make good matchmakers after all.

Josh pushed me, helping me to go higher. “I love watching you swing. You look so carefree.”

I closed my eyes and swung my legs, feeling lighter than I had in a long time. “Don’t get used to it,” I teased. But really. He shouldn’t. I knew I had a lot of self-work to do, but I never saw myself becoming totally carefree.

Josh chuckled and grabbed the swing on the way back, holding me in place. Really cradling me as if that’s all he ever wanted to do. He took a moment to peer into my eyes. Such adoration shone from his own. “I still can’t believe we get another shot. I know you’re still mad at me for the club scene. Honestly, I don’t care if you stay mad about it forever. I’m just glad it happened. When I saw you that night, everything changed. I knew I had to do whatever it took to have you back in my life … because you are my life.”

It was kind of hard to stay upset with someone when they spoke to you like that. Especially when they meant every word. “I guess everything did change that night, didn’t it? I know more still needs to change. Please be patient with me.”

“Nat, I don’t want you to change. I just want you to be happy. I hope that includes being with me.”

“Me too.” I leaned in and kissed him.

“Mmm. I like that. Very much.” He let me go and pushed me until I was sailing again.

I hated to ruin the moment, but I needed to talk to Josh about something important. “Jolene mentioned Zac is spreading rumors about you and making a jerk of himself on social media. Did you know that?”

“Yep.” Josh didn’t sound too concerned.

I stopped swinging so I could properly gauge his reaction. I would freak out if it were me. It had been me, and I was still flipping out about it. “You don’t care?”

Josh shrugged. “What can I do about it?”

“But he’s your best friend.”

Josh scoffed. “Not anymore. At some point, I became a meal ticket to him. He doesn’t care about me.”

“I’m so sorry. But aren’t you worried he might damage your reputation?”

“Nah. I make fun of women all the time in my videos, and guess who makes up most of my live shows? Women. The idiot can say what he wants about me. Those people out there”—he pointed off in the distance—“they don’t know me, and they don’t really care about me, so why should I care what they think?”

I could think of a dozen reasons but went with, “It could impact your brand. Or what if he says bad things about me?”

Josh came and stood between my legs. Thankfully, it was chilly enough that there weren’t any kids on the playground. I was sure their parents wouldn’t appreciate the overt affection. He rested a cold hand on my cheek. “Nat, I know how much you worry about what people think of you. I hate that your parents didn’t tell their little girl she was enough and worthy to be loved.”

Tears began pouring down my cheeks. My therapist had often talked about that little girl. How I needed to heal her before I could see life through a different lens. I was more than impressed Josh knew that, too. Maybe he could help me, as I hadn’t been successful yet, or he could at least hold my hand through the process.

“Let me tell that girl now it wasn’t her fault her parents couldn’t love her.” He brushed a few tears away with his thumb. “She was more than enough, and you are too. Neither of you needs to give a damn what anyone thinks.” He grinned. “Whatever Zac may spout off will say more about him than it does about us. But—” He paused. “If he says one word about you, I will rain down hell on him,” Josh seethed.

I looked up at Josh and thought, Why in the world did I ever walk away from him? The girl inside me answered. Because I was afraid.

I think it’s time to let go of that fear. What do you think?

I was a victim, but you don’t need to be. Don’t let our parents win.

My inner self was pretty smart. I didn’t want to be ruled by anyone anymore, especially my parents. They didn’t deserve to have that power. The little girl inside me deserved so much more.

“Josh, I know you don’t believe love can be scheduled. But how do you feel about rescheduling love?”

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