Page 53 of Mister Musician

“The contract I made with the label is for Saint, the solo artist. If I was to join a group, I could record and perform freely. I still won’t have my distribution or my masters for previously recorded songs, but I can make my music available and perform again. And I don’t want to say for sure, but I believe this applies to the clause about a record label as well. I think that only applies to solo artists. If it does, I can start the label and take the artists who came to Saint Records because of me and give them a recording home where they truly belong.”

“Oh my God, babe! I’m so, so happy for you! That’s such great news!” Harmony grabbed both his cheeks and pulled Saint into her for a lingering kiss. “Let’s get out of here. I know you have so much to do.”

As she stood, Saint did the same. “But it’s date night.”

“So? I only care about being near you. While you handle your business, I can write. We’ll have an… entrepreneurial date night.”

Her laugh turned into a yelp when Saint lifted her into the air and slowly spun her around. After his conversation ended, Saint didn’t think anything would make him feel better than that news, but Harmony’s support and understanding increased his happiness tenfold.

ChapterTwenty-Seven

Harmony

It wasa week before her thirty-third birthday, and Harmony was convinced nothing could make it better. Her family was happy and healthy, the library was doing great, she finally had the ability to write full time, and her relationship with Saint was the healthiest one she’d ever been in.

Later that night, Saint was going to come over to chill. He swore he wasn’t paying attention when she’d watched every episode ofGeneral Hospitalfor the week on Friday nights, but he did—asked questions and all. Because he was getting ready to head back to California to handle some business the next morning, Harmony agreed to doing something laidback. Normally she’d be excited before he arrived, but as she prepared to say goodbye to her oldest brother, Harmony felt her mood getting worse and worse.

It was so bad, TJ called her out on it as he shut off her Xbox. While she played on the computer, he played on the TV.

“What do you mean?” Harmony asked, squeezing the ball of hair that was at the top of her head. She hadn’t bothered to put anything fancy on for the day, just one of Saint’s shirts and a pair of leggings.

“You’re sad, or at least overthinking.”

There wasn’t a point in Harmony trying to deny that. Her brothers could read her, even when she wanted to keep things a secret, especially TJ. It could have been the close connection or the fact that he was the oldest and like a third parent. Whatever the case, there wasn’t much she could hide from him.

“I think I’m overthinking and it’s ruining my mood.”

“You wanna talk about it before I go?” TJ offered, heading over to the couch. Harmony followed him, sitting next to him as she released a tired sigh. Physically, she was good, but mentally, Harmony was fried, and she had no one to blame but herself. Things were so perfect she found herself overthinking and creating scenarios in her head that were the complete opposite of her reality.

“I’m happy, like really happy, and that is scaring the shit out of me.”

“With life in general or your relationship?”

“Both, but the scary part is my relationship with Saint. You know I have an issue with control and overthinking. To me, having control keeps me from being disappointed or failing. If I’m not in control, that’s when the overthinking starts. It’s something I know I need to work on, but it’s not as easy to escape my thoughts. I mean, I can busy myself with work or hobbies, but when I’m about to go to sleep or see Saint I can’t stop it.”

“Okay.” TJ covered her hand with his. “What exactly are you overthinking?”

“I’ve been thinking about when Saint and I will end ever since we made things official in Vegas. I was just engaged to Keith thinking I would spend forever with him, and now, I’m with someone else. A part of me knows things with Saint are different and can last forever, but at the same time, I can’t be too sure because I’m not in control. This is a whole human being that can do whatever he pleases. He’s not obligated to be with me for one more day let alone years.” Harmony sighed and squeezed the back of her neck, looking away briefly as vulnerability filled her. “I’m just scared that I’ll be at my happiest with him, and like with Keith, things will take a turn for the worse before he leaves.”

TJ carefully considered her words before asking, “Is this something you’ve talked about with Saint?”

“No, and I don’t want to,” she admitted. “This has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. He’s consistent and reliable and not doing anything to make me think he’s flaky. It’s just… that lack of control, you know?”

“I get it.” TJ sat up in his seat and turned more in her direction. “There’s security in control. When you’re in a relationship, you can only control what you do. The situation with Keith caught you completely by surprise, so it’s understandable to be hesitant, but I don’t want you to expect things to play out with Saint the way they did with Keith.”

“I’m not trying to.” She sucked her teeth and sighed. “I’m so happy; I just… can’t help but think about when it will end.” As her eyes watered, she gave him a bitter smile. “With Keith, engagement and marriage were supposed to be when things got better, but they got worse. Saint and I are officially in a relationship, and my mind is trying to prepare my heart for things to get worse as we progress, and that’s what’s fucking with me.”

TJ bobbed his head and let a few seconds pass before saying, “Let me ask you this—if you and Saint were to break up today, how would you feel?”

Harmony thought over the question, being completely honest with herself so she could be honest with her brother.

“I would be sad, but Saint’s been so good to me that I would want him to be happy, even if that isn’t with me. He’s such a good man and he’s deserving of love. If he can’t get that from me, I would want him to leave.”

“Okay.” TJ gave her a small smile, voice low and word selection careful when he said, “If you can say today that you would be okay if things ended, why are you worried about that happening in the future?” Harmony’s eyes blinked, expression just as blank as her mind, causing her brother to release a quiet laugh. “Overthinking is your brain’s attempt to prepare you, in the present, for something that may or may not happen in the future, right?”

“Right.”

“So if you can honestly say that you care enough about Saint to release him if this relationship no longer served him and that you would be sad but able to be at peace, isn’t that not the solution to the problem your mind is trying to create?”

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