Page 56 of A Kiss Of Lies

She halted in her dressing and pressed her fingers to his lips silencing him. “I do know that. I know the honorable man you are, and I’m so proud and flattered by your offer. But now that we are back on English soil I must put your needs first. You have troubles enough without an unknown woman, from a humble background, appearing as your wife.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered, gazing into those magnificent blue eyes. Standing, he took her beloved face into his hands. He kissed her with a sudden aching ardor. For, whether she was ready or not, and by any means he could, Christian Trent knew he would make Sarah his wife.

“You deserve all the happiness in the world,” she answered, her eyes welling with tears. “Let me do what I feel is right.Please.”

He gave a shuddering sigh. Tears were Sarah’s true weapon. He hated to see her cry. “I can’t bear to let us go. To see you every day, yet not be able to hold you, smile at you, touch you, love you . . . Won’t you at least consider becoming my wife? Would it be so terrible if society shunned us? We’d have each other and our children. When I was fighting at Waterloo, all I could think about was surviving and begetting an heir. Now all I can think about is having a child who looks like you—boy or girl, it would make no difference.”

She cupped his cheek softly and smiled. “Oh, Christian, you are such a good man! I—I am so lucky to have met you.” She almost said she loved him, but she feared he’d never take no for an answer if she declared what was in her heart.

How could she marry him when she’d make him a laughingstock if she were ever caught? If anyone discovered she was Lady Serena Castleton, she’d face the death penalty and he’d have married a woman branded a murderess. Worse, then he’d have to watch her hang. It would be better to break his heart now than lead him further toward scandal, ridicule, and ruination.

She breathed in rapidly, trying to quell the pain ricocheting around her body. Fate was a cruel master. Here she was, being offered something she’d dreamed of, a man she’d wanted all her adult life, and she had to say no, both for her sake and for his.

Her denial was a huge weight descending to crush her in her chest. “The sun’s almost up. I must get back to my cabin. We will talk of this no more. You are a man of your word, and you promised me that our relationship would revert to what was proper once we reached England. I expect you to keep your promise.”

His eyes flashed with determination and his chiseled jaw tightened. “I will honor your wish. We are no longer lovers. But I gave no promise about not wooing you. I once was considered quite the seducer.”

She gulped, realizing his words were true. He could make her want him with simply a smile. If he seriously courted her, how was she to resist him?

“You will marry me.”

Without replying, she crossed to him and kissed his cheek. “Goodbye, sweet, wonderful Christian. Thank you for showing me that not all men are selfish, egotistical monsters. Thank you for sharing a short part of your life with me. I won’t ever forget your kindness.” She straightened and moved to the door. “When next we meet, I will be the respectable governess, Mrs. Cooper, and you will be my employer, Lord Markham. Everything will be as it should be.” Unable to look at him again without bursting into tears, she exited and rushed toward her cabin to cry until she had no more tears left.

Christian did not stop her. He watched her go, and a piece of his heart went with her. Pain ripped through his chest, hurting him more savagely than when he had been burned. He spoke to the empty cabin, which seemed to close in around him. “This is not over yet, my darling.”

True to his word, Christian had been nothing but proper since they’d disembarked. A part of her couldn’t help being irritated at his seemingly easy acceptance of her decision. As in two sides of the same coin, she wanted him to woo her and, at the same time, observe all the proprieties. But if he should woo her, what if she couldn’t resist?

The journey from Portsmouth to Dorset, while comfortable, was strained. The carriage bounced over rough roads, the loud rumbles of wheels on stones unable to cover the silence within. Christian barely acknowledged her presence. Even Lily noticed the tension inside the carriage. The little girl’s excitement at being in England and heading toward her new home waned as her guardian seemed lost in thought. Finally she curled up on the seat and lay sleeping, her head resting on Sarah’s knee.

Sarah cleared her throat. “My lord, how long will the journey to your home in Dorset take? Will we have to stop somewhere for the night?”

He turned cool eyes upon her. “Lily is asleep. There is no need to be so formal.”

She ignored the provocation. “I packed clothing for Lily and me into one bag just in case we are to stay overnight at an inn.”

He nodded. “Good. We will be stopping. However, we are not going to Henslowe Court. A note from Grayson was waiting when we docked. He informs me that Harriet is still in London until the end of the season. The sooner I confront her, the sooner this nonsense stops.”

She bit her lip to hold back a cry. How could she go to London, especially during the season? Surely someone would recognize her. “You are not dropping Lily and me in Dorset?”

He leveled a hard stare at her and curtly replied, “No. I want you with me.”

“Want Lily with you,” she prompted.

He smiled blandly. “Do not play dumb. No. I wantyouwith me. As I am your employer, you will go where I desire.” His hot gaze left her in no doubt as to exactly what he desired.

She ran her tongue over her dry lips, refusing to acknowledge the flush of panic searing her skin. She also refused to get into an argument with him when he was in this piqued mood. “As you wish, Lord Markham.” Since he threatened her with his status, she’d address him accordingly.

He threw his gloves on the seat beside him and sighed. “There is no need for this. When we are alone, surely we can be adult about this situation.”

For self-preservation, Sarah knew she could not. She felt her eyes fill with tears. “I can’t. I’m sorry. It will be too hard. The only way I can remain in my position is to start afresh. Start as I should have started when you employed me in Canada. I’m a governess within your household. That is all.”

“That’s never all you’ll be to me.”

She held his blazing stare.

He snorted and turned away, still scowling. “Stubborn woman. Sometimes I wish youweresimply after my title and fortune.”

They arrived in London at dusk the next day. They’d stayed overnight at an inn, and Sarah made sure she roomed with Lily. That move made for a very frosty reception the next morning. Christian did not appreciate being outwitted.

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