Page 85 of When love and Hate Collide

“All of us?” Dean repeats, the v between his brows deepening. “Who exactly is part of thisall, because I only see two of us?”

“It won’t just be the two of us, Dean. Eventually you’re going to meet someone, and I’ll be with—” Dean steps closer into my space and I look up at him. The stormy look in his eyes sends a shiver cascading through me.

“You’ll be with…?” He trails off, his eyes narrowing in scrutiny. “Go on, spit it out JJ,” The ire laced in his tone combined with the fire that ignites in his eyes makes me hesitate.

We stare at one another intently, like a storm that’s slowly brewing between us the air grows thick with tension. “Paxton.” There, I said it. I hold my breath, waiting for the wash of relief but for some reason, the weight I thought would lift when I finally made the decision only intensifies and my chest feels like it’s about to cave any minute under the pressure. Especially with the way he’s looking at me. “I told him about the baby and he says he loves me enough to want to make it work still.”

Dean chuckles darkly and rubs his fingers against his unshaven jaw, his eyes bouncing around my bedroom. “Fuck me, you’re getting back together with him,” he shakes his head and steps away from me, turning his back to me he rakes both his hands through his hair. “Looks like you’ve got it all figured out, haven’t you?” he expresses sourly and spins to look at me. “At what point did you plan on filling me in with this brilliant plan of yours, JJ? When exactly did you make the decision to get back together with him? Was it before or after you slipped into my bed in the middle of the night?”

My eyes lift to look up at him and I swallow the lump forming in my throat. Dean holds my gaze and for a moment the anger in his eyes falters, and I see a glimmer of hurt staring back at me.

“Do you seriously expect me to stick around and watch another man play dad tomyfucking baby?!”

I shake my head, “No, my relationship with Paxton has nothing to do with our baby, Dean! If you want to be involved with its life then you can, I’m not stopping you.”

“You are!” He shouts irately, “Who do you think the baby will know as its dad, someone who is there twenty-four seven raising him, making all the decisions with their mother or the mug that has them on weekends and holidays?”

“What does it matter, Dean? What does it even matter when we both know that you’re not going to be around for months at a time anyway?!” I bellow, grabbing his arm and turning him to face me when he tries to turn his back to me.

“So, what the fuck am I standing here for, JJ?!” He shouts back, taking a step closer to me. “If your plan was to get back together with your fiancé and build some bogus fairy-tale life together, why the fuck did you tell me about the baby? Why even get me involved if you had no intention of giving us a chance to figure this out?” He adds, pressing his index finger against his chest.

“I did give you the chance by choosing to keep the baby, but you decided not to show up. Which to me speaks volumes of your intentions, Dean. This isn’t something we can try and then walk away from if it doesn’t work. A baby needs a stable home, with parents who can actually tolerate each other for more than five minutes at a time. Look at us, we can’t agree on anything or go thirty seconds without ripping into each other. Does this look like a relationship that is sustainable or will work to you?!”

“You think you’re going to be happier withhim?!” Dean shouts, extending his arm and pointing to my window.

“Yes!”

A look of surprise flashes across his face and for a long time we stare at each other wordlessly before he nods.

“Then don’t let me keep you from your charlatan prince charming.” Dean mutters dryly, a look of distain glowing in his green eyes. “To hell with you.”

“To hell with me?” I hiss, “Don’t act like you ever had any real intention of being in this with me, you’ve had one foot out the fucking door waiting for an excuse to bolt.” I shove him back. “Go on, here’s your opportunity, do what you do best and fucking walk, Dean!”

“You know what, fuck you, JJ!” Dean growls hotly before he turns and without looking back walks out of my bedroom.

“You already did! You well and truly fucked me and my damn life!” I retort and slam the door shut behind him. I press my forehead to the door and finally allow that dam that has been mounting and mounting inside me to break free. I sink to the floor, curling my fingers in my hair and scream.

“CanI do anything to change your mind?” Ashlyn questions from her position lying on my bed. I smile sadly while I’m folding my clothes and packing them in my suitcase, shaking my head in response to her question. “It really sucks that you’re going back so soon. We still have another three weeks before we’re due back.”

“Sadly no,” I sigh, “I think Pax and I need to go back and try to figure things out there. There’s too much going on here. I mean, you see my parents clucking around us. Who throws a pre-engagement party?”

Ashlyn smiles, albeit sadly and helps me fold up my clothes. “You know how much your parents love to throw parties and entertain. I think it’s adorbs.”

“Pax and I very briefly discussed getting engaged later on, maybe six months or a year down the line, not yet, but they’re insisting that they throw a party and announce our pre-engagement. Which I’m certain isn’t even a thing.” I express glumly and drop the clothes in my hand in the suitcase.

“He’s given you a ring and you’re wearing it, so…” Ashlyn points out, her eyes lowering to my left hand where a white gold princess cut diamond promise ring is sitting on my ring finger.

“It’s a promise ring,notan engagement ring.” I insist, looking down at the ring and sigh.

Ashlyn blinks up at me, her perfectly shaped brows knitting while she regards me closely, “Jey, what’s going on with you? You’ve not been yourself since we’ve been back home. I thought you were still hurting over Paxton but you’re back with him and you’re still miserable, babe.” I wet my lips and shake my head meekly, swallowing the emotions that bubble up inside me. “You might be good at putting on a façade for everyone else, but I know you. You look like you’ll fall apart if anyone dared touch you.” She takes my hand and my eyes well up. I’ve got so much I want to tell her, but I can’t and it’s killing me.

“I’m fine Ash, I’m just…” I lower and shake my head, tears spilling down my pale cheeks. I’m suffocating with all these mixed emotions. I don’t know what I’m doing, am I making a mistake getting back with Paxton when I have all these unresolved feelings for Dean. Maybe I’ll be able to get a little clarity if I’m far enough away and not forced to see him. I don’t think I can manage another three weeks of this. I can’t.

Ash pushes my suitcase to the end of the bed and pulls me down on the bed with her. “Come here.” We lay down together and I rest my head on her chest and cry while she holds me. “Since when have you not been able to talk to me, Jey? What’s going on?”

Don’t ask me questions Ash, please. Don’t make me lie to you any more than I already have.

“I just really need to be alone to sort through all these feelings and doubts in my head. I’m really overwhelmed with everything at the moment.” I admit woefully.

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