Page 9 of Indescribable

I am worthy.

I am beautiful inside and outside.

I deserve to be loved.

I AM loved.

I am enough.

I am kind.

I am blessed.

I am wise.

I am grateful for the chance to start over.

I stick them all over my bathroom mirror then grab a Sharpie and list them all on the coverof my journal that I keep on my nightstand.

Being single or in a couple isn’t what defines me as a person. I won’t allow myself to be crippled simply by the fact that I will now be checking thesinglebox rather thanmarriedon random forms. I am who I am, with or without a ring on my finger and a Mrs in front of my name.

I can pay my bills and manage anything that needs done in the house… well, within reason. I’m not suddenly going to become an expert in plumbing or electrical work, but…

I am woman!

I am fearless!

I am sexy!

I’m divine!

I sing the few lyrics to a song by Emmy Meli that I know, but I sing those lyrics with authority until I believe them with my entire being.

Feeling comfortable in my own skin for the first time in several years, I decide to do something completely out of the box for me. It’s something that I’ve honestly dreamed of doing for a while, wondering if it would feel as freeing as I expect it to. Wyatt and I did it a few times, but it always turned sexual. Which, of course it did. And that wasn’t always a bad thing, but it wasn’t why I suggested it in the first place, either.

I’m going to spend an entire evening in my house completely naked.

I make sure all the blinds are closed first, because… duh. I might be comfortable but not ready to lay it all out there for my neighbors to witness.

Once I’m sure the doors are locked and there’s no chance of someone seeing me, I turn on the gas fireplace because I want to be comfortable while I’m sitting here, not shivering.

I turn my phone completely off because I need to take a break. A true break from everything. If I don’t turn it off, all night my phone will be chiming with texts and social media notifications and after the last couple of days, I need silence.

Maybe I’m overthinking this or making a bigger deal of it than it needs to be.

Wine poured, snacks ready, clothes now stripped off, candles lit, Netflix cued up… and I have officially found my new favorite thing.

Sitting inmyliving room – the living room that I have sole ownership of – I relax on the couch and begin to scroll through my options on Netflix. For years people have been telling me to watchOrange Is the New Blackand I haven’t yet so I settle in for a night of binge-watching a new-to-me show.

Two episodes into my naked binge-watching-wine-drinking-snacking evening, a laugh bubbles out of me.

I feel so scandalous.

Naughty, even.

But more, I feelfree.

I’m free to be the person I want to be. I answer to no one. I’m spending an entire evening doing exactly what I want to do with no input from anyone else and it makes me so happy.

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