Page 67 of With All My Heart, Joy

“You want to call it an early night?” he asked after the server came by to offer the dessert menu.

Joy’s lips trembled. “No. I’m okay.”

Isaac leaned close to her. “No, you’re not. What’s wrong?”

She stared at her plate. It wasn’t empty. She’d barely picked at her food.

“Are you…regretting us?”

Her head shook quickly, and relief soared through him with the force of an eagle taking off.Thank you, God. If it wasn’t that, then he had a pretty good idea of the problem. And Joy didn’t want to tell him so he wouldn’t “fix” her.

“Are you depressed?”

When a tear splashed onto her plate, he got his answer.

“It’s okay, baby.” The endearment slipped off his tongue naturally. She didn’t say anything, but when she reached under the table and squeezed his hand, he knew it meant something special to her. “Let’s order dessert to go, then I’ll drop you off. Maybe an early night will reset you. Sleep is a good remedy for depression.”

She tensed at his statement, and he put his hand on her arm. “Just trying to help.”

Her lips formed a stiff smile. “Thanks. I’ll be okay.”

The short ride to her apartment passed in strained silence.

“Can I walk you to the door?” Isaac asked when his car was in Park along the curb. He wanted to kiss her good night, but Paisley was peering at them from the backseat with eyes as wide as the Hubble telescope.

Finally, Joy turned an earnest smile on him. “Of course.”

He held her hand on the way, and at her door, he slid his arms around her back and pulled her close. “I’m glad we’re together.” He wanted to tell her that when she was depressed, it didn’t bother him. That he understood. But would she misunderstand his motives?

She took a deep breath, her nose against his chest, almost as if she were breathing him in. “Me, too. I’m sorry I was such a drag tonight.”

He pulled back so he could see her face. “That is never something you have to apologize to me about. Do you understand?”

Her nod was reluctant, as if she weren’t convinced.

“I mean it. I’m here for you on your best day and on your worst. Okay?”

Her lips trembled again, and he dipped his head until his lips caught hers. She lifted her arms to encircle his neck and kissed him back like he was her one and only source of oxygen. When he drew back, his rapid breaths created puffy clouds in the air around them. Nowheneeded oxygen.

“What was that all about?” he said in gasped syllables.

She gave him a sly smile over her shoulder as she slipped through her front door. “That was my okay.”

* * * * *

Joy watched from the window until Isaac’s tail lights disappeared, her hand pressed to the cold, glass pane.

No. Don’t go, her heart cried as the road fell silent and dark. As she turned around, her apartment caved in on her, empty and lonely.

From the moment she woke up this morning, she felt it coming. The impending onslaught of depression. Sometimes it settled in all at once, like a landslide slamming down upon her. Other times it was a trickle that slowly accumulated.

It had been building all day.

What was wrong with her? She had a family who loved her. She didn’t doubt that, regardless of the circumstances behind her conception. She suddenly had a boyfriend when she hadn’t been looking for one, and he was wonderful. More than wonderful. And she had a great God. She had no reasontobe depressed.

Look at Victor. His wife wasdying, and he still held his chin high and had plans to make the best of Leah’s last days. What did Joy have to cry about in light of the loss Victor was experiencing?

Feeling depressed when she had no reason to be so made her feel selfish. Unworthy of love.

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