Page 88 of Allure

“Why not?”

“Because he really doesn’t need his head to be any fatter.”

“You like his head the way it is, huh?”

Is she that innocent and naïve? Or am I that dirty that I immediately think about Declan’s other head… I still haven’t given him a blowjob yet, and I want to lick his cock…

Fuck. No, I don't. I can't. I won't.

I probably screwed up all chances of our ever being together, but that’s what I wanted, right?

I need someone to talk to about him, not Declan himself, and I force myself to smile at Julie.

“Yes, I like him the way he is well enough,” I say.

Julie laughs and rubs the back of her neck and then grimaces. “Is it normal to be this sore after a class?”

“In the beginning, yes, but if you stick with it, you’ll loosen up. Stretch as deeply as you can during warmups. That’ll help.”

“Got it. Thanks, Brooke. I, ah, didn’t mean to make things awkward when talking about Sempai.”

“Neither did I,” I assure her, “but I need to get going.”

“Bye! Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow!” she calls.

Great.

* * *

Dawn’s in the room when I return. She takes one look at me and does a double-take.

“What do you need?” she asks. “Water? Chocolate? An emergency stash of Reese’s peanut butter cups?”

“I thought we weren’t going to have any candy in the room,” I tell her as I pull out my desk chair and turn it around so I can face her as I sit, which I do.

“Yes, well, that’s why it’s called emergency stash.” Dawn grins, but her eyes reveal her worry.

“Declan asked me out after the self-defense class,” I blurt out.

“That’s… Is that a good thing?”

“It was after we had sex again,” I mumble, covering my face with my hands.

“I know you said you wouldn’t, but if you two are dating now, that’s different,” Dawn says.

“We aren’t. I turned him down. I… I’m not ready to date.”

“If you explain that to him and if he likes you enough, he’ll wait.”

“I told him to find someone else, and the fucker might’ve already. A new girl started classes today, and he was so very different with her. He was kind and helpful, almost doting. It made me sick to my stomach!”

“That sounds a bit like jealousy,” Dawn says slowly.

“Maybe, but I… I gave up any claim on him, and I thought that’s what I wanted, but… I told him we could keep things casual, that we could still sleep together every now and again, and that’s not enough for him. What kind of a guy would turn down an offer like that? Isn’t that supposed to be their jam?”

“I don’t know about that, but I do know that there can be a very thin line between love and hate,” Dawn murmurs.

“Love?” I scoff. “No way. There’s just no way. I don’t love Declan, and he can’t love me. There’s too much we don’t know about each other yet. Without knowing a person’s past, how can you truly get to know them? No, it’s just superficial between us. Just sex. That’s the safest bet, and if he wears his heart on his cock… I never would’ve thought him the type to do that, but it sure seems like he can move fast on a girl, so maybe he’ll be with this Julie soon enough, and I just have to face facts.”

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