Page 14 of Blissful Vixen

“She’s… I don’t know how to describe it for sure. We’re here on a two-week-long date to figure out if we should be together. We were matched by Love Catered. It’s a dating site where they match you to find your happily ever after. I don’t think she still wants that. Plus, she wasn’t honest.”

“How so?”

“I overheard her telling a friend that she wasn’t supposed to be here long. She came to break this thing off before it even got started.”

“Is there a reason why you’re eager to find someone after you’ve just gone through a divorce?”

“My marriage has been over for a while. It doesn’t mean that I’ve changed my mind about settling down and finding my love. After the accident, I’ve only wanted it more. I don’t want to waste time. And now, I feel like I am. It’s only been a few days since I met her, but I was hoping she’d be real.”

“What do you mean, real?”

“When I first saw her picture, I had this insane response to her. Like I could picture the future more closely. Vividly. And when she got here, I couldn’t help but be drawn to her. But overhearing that conversation was cold water thrown on the heat simmering between us.”

“Ask her about it.”

This was the first time I’d stalled in the question-and-answer game we were playing.

She noticed.

“Hardison?”

“If I do, she’ll be able to deny it or lie. And what if the reason why she’s leaving is because of everything happening with me?”

“Happening with you?”

“The scars, the trauma, the PTSD, the therapy sessions, my treatment plan. It could all be too much. She’s looking for somebody who has it all together, and I don’t.”

“Did she say that or imply it?”

“No, we haven’t talked about any of that. I just…”

“Want to protect yourself from being hurt?” Knowing eyes shined my way.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Listen, you can’t decide what’s happening on her side of things without discussing it. Give her a chance to show you who she is. Maybe there is more to the story. There certainly is when it comes to your personal story. Not today, but we’re definitely going to jump into more with the accident. I think you’re experiencing multiple things here. Survivors guilt, PTSD, anxiety, and maybe even some depression. The first thing we’re going to do is set up another appointment so we can meet again. I have an opening in four days. Same time. Are you interested?”

I nodded, not sure how I felt about any of that. The possible diagnosis, discussing things with Emberlynn, and even the continued sessions seemed heavy.

“I can see you’re struggling with something. Want to tell me what it is?”

“Not really,” I admitted. It all felt like hands were wrapping around my throat, ready to strangle me.

“Okay.” She handed me her business card. “Don’t hesitate to call me if you change your mind.”

“Does an hour always go that quickly?” I tapped the card against my hand to distract from my caged feelings. Doubts, dread, and even the truth that I was in over my head.

“Sometimes therapy can be so smooth that you don’t know where the time goes. But it can also be so difficult that the minutes drag on. Take each session for what it is, don’t try so hard to fix everything right away. It’ll come.” Her head nodding was slow and deliberate. “You’ll build what your new normal looks like.”

“New normal? I don’t want a new normal.” I looked up at her, not sure that she understood the goals. “I want my old life back.”

“Hardison, it’ll never be the same. You’ve had a tragedy occur, and it changes who you are, making your responses different than before. Things will vanish and go away. You’ll likely have triggers that will pull you back into those difficult moments. The goal is to prepare you for how to handle it.”

“Mhm…” I was trying to play it cool, but I didn’t like not being able to get back to being me. I didn’t want those dreams or anything else from this damn injury.

“I’ll see you in a few days, or is there something else you’d like to discuss before I go?”

How was talking about it going to fix anything? She couldn’t change what happened.

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