Page 15 of Beautiful Crazy

April:Eeeeek! Ok small celebration because I don’t have anyone else to tell. The author I’m helping right now has tripled her sales goals because of my ad work! How validating is that?!

Me:That’s great!

April:I’m seriously considering taking on a few other authors now that I really feel like I’ve shown consistent success with this part of the job.

Me:Good idea.

April:What’s wrong?

Me:Nothing. Why?

April:Uh…because bitch is only answering in one or two word answers and that’s totally not like you. Where are my funny GIFs at? Where are all the emojis? Everyone knows you’re an exclamation point whore and I only got one! *surprised emoji*

Me:Just a bad morning. I’m fine.

April:Work?

Me:Emmett.

April:Uh oh. Trouble in Friendsville?

Me:He just said something this morning that I took personally.

April:Did you try a new recipe or something?

Me:What? No. LOL. We both know I’m not the greatest cook. I would never take that personally.

April:Ok so what did he say?

Me:He said he can’t work from home because he’s not a kid anymore and has to do grown-up things.

April:*Gif of black dog turning its head* …wtf does he mean by that?

Me:I’m sure he didn’t mean it like it sounded but…

April:I get it. Kinda makes you want to punch him in his nutsack.

Me:Lol. Yeah. It’s like that. Coming from anyone else I would’ve laughed it off or given them the what-for but coming from Emmett…

April:I know. Words hurt more when they come from those you love.

Me:*gif of Lady Gaga nodding yep* Also I saw his nutsack the other day.

April:*GIF of little girl in yellow jack eating cotton candy* WHAAAAT? Why the fuck didn’t you LEAD with that information?? Did you guys fuck? OMG! Wait…omg…did he say mean things to you after you fucked? I will seriously come over there and kick his ass.

Me:*GIF of cat shaking its head* We did not fuck. We’re just friends. You know that. It’s a long story that I don’t want to text out but now I know never to wake him again because who knew the boy sleeps naked? Anyway,I’ll get over it. He knows I take my work very seriously. He also knows I make more money than he does so he can suck a giant pickle as far as I’m concerned.

April:Yeah. Pickle sucker. But just out of curiosity, how big is his pickle sucker?

Me:HAHAHA! Bigger than a pickle, for sure.

April:Yeah, but that could mean a lot of things. Are we talking little round bread and butter pickles or are we talking whole size genuine dill?

Me:Yeah. Definitely bigger than dill. A good hearty cucumber size. It’s no zucchini. It’s not like it’s Brad from Sex/Life huge.

April:I mean is there even bigger than that anywhere in the world?

Me:If there is I’ve yet to see it!Hey, I’m really happy for you btw. Congrats on tripling sales for your client. I’m sorry I’m just in a mood.

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