Page 89 of Help Me Remember

“Because you’re an ass.”

“You’re as helpful as I am comforting,” I grumbled at him.

“You did it to…to protect me,” he said softly, even as he glared at me. “Didn’t want me to…worry. You were always…doing shit like that. Used to drive me crazy.”

“That was one of my theories,” I admitted, giving up and hanging my head. “You worry and fuss as it is, so I’m sure it was no different back then.”

“It’s called caring about someone…you ass,” he hissed.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “And there’s nothing I can say to take it back. I wish I could say it was because I lost my memory, and my stance has changed, but…I think it’s just seeing you deal with all this shit that did it. I underestimated you and worried too much about how you’d handle it. That was a mistake on my part. I’m sorry, and you can bet I won’t make that same mistake again.”

“Keep that promise…and you don’t have to be sorry anymore,” he said, easing his hand into mine once more to squeeze me again. “But…I guess that means I was…was right, doesn’t it?”

“Does it?” I asked in sudden confusion.

He gave a soft exhale that I took to be a gentle snort. “You were working. That’s…what you were doing with the…those people…isn’t it?”

“Here,” I said, getting up and retrieving a glass of water from the ensuite bathroom and handing it to him. “Drink this for a bit while I explain what was told to me, alright? Might help you talk a bit better when I’m done.”

Eric silently took the offered glass with a nod, and I took the opportunity to launch into the story. There wasn’t much I could tell him, only relate what Ivy had told me. Most of my memories of that time were absent, and deep down, part of me wished I would never get those memories back. I had no doubt my time working for the crime family had been deeply unpleasant, and I had probably done things I wouldn’t want to relive.

It took me far less time to explain what I had been doing before I returned to Port Dale. Long enough for me to refill Eric’s water glass, pausing only when he requested some hot tea which I asked the agent that wasn’t Harkins to get for him. By the time I finished, Eric was starting to sip the tea tentatively.

“And then it all went tits up from the moment I decided to go with Gabriel to that meetup, and then I woke up sometime later,” I finished, glancing at the TV. I hadn’t realized Ana had been watching the news and frowned as I realized they were talking about the shooting and Gabriel’s death alongside Patterson’s.

“It’s all they keep talking about,” Eric said in a voice much stronger than before, though still a little scratchy. “I kept waiting to see when your name would pop up, but it never did. Now I know why.”

Falling into silence, I sat beside him, staring at my hands. I hadn’t even considered the news coverage that would follow, but it made sense. A massive shootout in an upper-class part of the city? At least one officer of the law dead, along with the son of a major crime figure? They would probably talk about it for days, and the FBI was probably playing constant damage control.

No wonder Ivy had seemed irritated.

“You seem…more yourself than you did before,” Eric noted, looking me over.

“I don’t feel any different,” I admitted, though I wasn’t sure that was the best measure. It wasn’t like I would notice too many changes in myself, especially if they happened without fanfare.

“I don’t know how to put my finger on it. Something about you seems more…stable and solid. Maybe just because you know more about yourself, found out the truth, it was enough to make it happen,” Eric said, still watching me.

I could see the twinkle in his eyes and couldn’t help my heavy sigh. “Look, just get it out of your system so we can get to the other potentially bad news.”

“I told you so,” he said with a delight that seemed completely out of place given the circumstances. “The whole damn time, you were being this angsty shit about how evil and awful you probably were.”

“I’ll point out that you were starting to believe it yourself,” I interrupted.

He waved me off. “I just spent days fighting for my life, terrified, confused, and constantly worrying about you. Then I have all this information that just doesn’t fit, and that’s pretty much the only information I’m getting. But you know what? Even when I doubted it the most, I didn’t actually believe it.”

“Yeah, Ana said something about that. She also called you a self-sacrificing idiot,” I told him, enjoying his scowl.

“I told her to go home hours ago,” Eric huffed. “The bullet only nicked me. I was—”

“Don’t you dare say you were fine,” I told him, glaring at him with sudden heat. “I heard how bad it got. Don’t lie.”

“Like you did to me for years?” he shot back.

“I’m not lying now,” I told him stubbornly. “I can’t take back what I did before, and you were the one who said if I made changes, I didn’t have to be sorry. I’m still sorry, but it’s not fair to throw that back in my face.”

Eric blinked, let out a low breath, and nodded. “Alright, that’s fair.”

“I was terrified out of my mind when I saw you bleeding out on the pavement,” I told him, not surprised to feel my eyes sting at the memory. With anyone else, I would have fought the reaction, but this was Eric. “All I wanted was to keep you safe, and then you…Christ, Eric, you’re such an idiot. Why did you do that?”

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