Page 90 of Help Me Remember

“Why did you stand up for Mr. Reyes? Why did you keep your career in the FBI a secret? Why didn’t you tell me that you would disappear and become a fucking mole in the Russian Mafia?”

“I—”

“Because that’s who you are. You protect people, even when it’s too much fucking protection, and you’re an idiot for going that far. It’s what you’ve always done. I’m not surprised by what I’ve found out. Pissed and irritated? Yes. But I knew what kind of person you were long before you started keeping more and more from me. I knew it when I saw you in the clinic.”

I couldn’t help my smile. “I remember seeing you in the clinic the first time. I had no idea who you were, but I remember that seeing you was when I realized that whoever I was, I was definitely into guys.”

“Well, I am pretty adorable,” he said, then wrinkled his nose. “And while we’re on the subject, Gabriel? Really? I mean, he was pretty good-looking, but—”

“Oh God,” I groaned, pressing my warm face into the bed. “I don’t remember why. I was disgusted by him, but I slept with him. I think I was using him.”

“And…the woman?”

“Katya. She’s…complicated. Maybe when we have time, and I can remember more, I’ll tell you about her.”

“You loved her?”

“I think so. At the very least, I cared a great deal about her.”

“And she died in your arms.”

“She did.”

Eric’s face fell, and he reached up to stroke my cheek gently. “I’m sorry.”

I reached up to lay my hand over his, returning his sympathy with a smile. “What memory I have of her is enough to tell me that things can be fleeting, and it’s better to take what you have while you still have it. Especially after…after seeing you practically bleed out in that park.”

“I’d say I’m sorry for that, but…” Eric trailed off, shrugging the shoulder that wasn’t on the same side as his wound.

“You are who you are,” I finished, and it was my turn to reach up and stroke his face. “My point is, my greatest regret at that moment, other than thinking I’d lost you, was that I hadn’t told you the truth, and you deserved to hear it.”

“What’s that?” he asked, leaning into my touch.

“That you were right. I do love you. And I suspect I probably loved you long before I ever lost my memory. Even if I didn’t, I do now, and I’m sorry I didn’t have the sense to say it before,” I said, chest tightening.

His eyes fluttered open, burning with an emotion I couldn’t quite put words to, but I knew how much they warmed me. “And I love you. Have for ages. Even in the moment of my greatest doubt, I still loved you.”

Maybe Eric saw me as a protector, but it was all too easy to see him as a protector in his own right. He had literally protected me when he needed to, and Ana as well. And he had also helped protect me from myself, drawing me back from the edge when I threatened to tip over into my own inner darkness and doubt.

Eric yawned heavily. “So I guess we have to talk about what comes next, don’t we?”

“It does have to happen soon,” I said, giving in and laying my head on his thigh again.

“How bad is it?”

“Well…”

“I’m not going to be allowed to stay in Port Dale, am I?”

I winced. “They, uh, don’t think that’s a good idea. All of them went down in the gunfight with the FBI, but they’ve got reason to believe Gabriel’s father will start digging…and that enough was relayed back to them that they’ll know to look for you. Especially with Los Muertos on good terms with them, I’m sure they’d be happy to tell them about you if it meant getting on their good side.”

“So…time for me to get uprooted then?” he asked with an unreadable expression.

Guilt hit me once again. “I’m sorry, Eric. I know how much of your life is rooted here, but…they’re pretty sure your life won’t keep going after information gets out. You’re going to be in danger, and I insisted they take care of you. You won’t count as a witness, but you can still have protection.”

“My dad?”

“He’ll be watched, but he can’t know where you end up.”

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