Page 86 of Help Me Remember

I froze when I heard a throat clear behind me. Spinning around, I reached for my gun, only to find my wounded side instead. I gritted my teeth before I realized I was staring at Ana Fitz, staring at me from an armchair in the corner.

“I wondered if they might be nice enough to release you long enough to see him,” she said softly, looking me over. I could see dark circles under her eyes and the way the bandage on her arm glowed under the blue light.

“Shit, I forgot all about you,” I admitted before catching myself. “Sorry, I, uh, didn’t mean…”

“You’ve been busy and clearly had someone else you were more worried about than some cop who almost got to haul your ass in,” she said with a small smile. She was being gentle, but I could tell she was watching me carefully. “I’ve been keeping an eye on him.”

“Thank you,” I said, meaning it. I knew Ivy had set people around the building in case anything happened to Eric, but I appreciated her gesture all the same.

She shrugged. “Eric saved my life, and it almost cost him his. Watching him while he slept was the least I could do.”

“Can…can he talk?” I wondered, panic spiking as I realized I hadn’t been told the full effects of his wound.

Her mouth curled at the corner wryly. “Oh, he can talk. His throat is sore, and it’s rough on him, but I don’t think that’s the problem.”

“No,” I said, glancing down at him. “I suppose the problem is me.”

“Surprise, surprise,” she said, her tone losing its gentleness. “So, what are they going to do with you? Make a deal? Throw you in a hole?”

I laughed, partially because I forgot I was the only one in this debacle who knew the truth, but mostly because the truth felt so absurd. “I’m afraid that’s classified.”

She arched a brow. “Classified? You can just tell me you don’t know.”

“No, I do,” I told her, meeting her eyes and hoping she understood what I meant. I would tell the truth to Eric, but I didn’t want Ana fully in the loop. Not because I thought she would run her mouth but because it would probably be safer for her. “But I’m under orders to treat it as highly classified.”

Her brow stitched together even more tightly. “Orders to…”

I watched her carefully and saw the moment realization struck. Once again, I nearly laughed when I watched her face go slack with shock. After all, even if as a prisoner I was given special treatment to make a hospital visit, my entourage would be hot on my heels, and I’d be handcuffed. Not to mention, there would have been no ‘orders’ any prisoner was expected to follow, let alone have any respect for classified information.

“This…this whole time?” she managed, lowering her voice after glancing at the doorway. “You’re a fed? Are you shitting me?”

“Sorry,” I said with a smirk. “Anything about the ongoing investigation and my role in it is—”

“Classified,” she finished with a snort, flopping back in her seat to rub her eyes with her palms. “Shit, that would explain a lot. Undercover work? No, right, classified. Blink twice if I’m right.”

I rolled my eyes. “It is what it is.”

“I just,” She flopped her hands before her in frustration. “I have so many questions, and you probably couldn’t answer half of them. This whole thing has been driving me crazy, and Eric’s absolute conviction that you were a good man has been sticking with me.”

I wondered just how true that was, even in the face of this new revelation. I doubted I’d managed to work my way through a crime family without getting my hands dirty. But I might never remember all the things I’d done. Everything I knew about amnesia told me I might steadily have my memory returned to me, it might simply stop where it was, or I might just get parts of it back. There was no telling until I was properly examined by experts.

I couldn’t wait until Eric gave me as many “I told you so’s” as he could muster.

“I wouldn’t be too worried about it,” I said with a shrug. “Even someone who seems good can be rotten inside. The world is full of liars, and well, it’s not like I could be who I am…or was.”

A shadow passed over her face. “Yeah, you’re right about that.”

“Hey,” I said, feeling pity for her passing through me. “I’m sorry about Patterson.”

“Surely that’s not an apology for killing him,” she said neutrally.

“No,” I said immediately. “I’m not sorry for that. He tried to kill you and nearly killed Eric. I just meant I’m sorry because…well, you thought he was a friend.”

“Yeah,” she said bitterly, wiping at her mouth. “Up until he pulled that trigger on me, or Eric, I guess, I thought maybe there was a chance there was something worthwhile in him. But you know, that kind of gets thrown out the window when they try to kill you.”

“How long do you think you’ll beat yourself up for not spotting what he was before it was too late?” I asked because I could see the guilt taking shape on her face.

“Oh, a while,” she said with a snort. “Are you going to tell me it isn’t my fault, that anyone could have been fooled, or that I’m only human?”

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