Page 68 of Help Me Remember

“Absolutely not,” Eric said, surprising me with a laugh. “Because despite how much you think you’ve changed or are different, I know exactly what you’d say if I asked that.”

“Oh? And what would I say?”

“You’d tell me that yes, you are attracted to me, and you do care about me. But with everything going on right now, you don’t have a good way to figure out just how far everything goes. Plus, you don’t have your memories back, so you don’t know what you’d be like if you did get them back, so it’d be a bad idea to let things go further than they already have before you figure more out.”

“That’s not…exactly what I would have said,” I muttered.

“Not in those exact words?” Eric guessed, raising a brow.

“I probably wouldn’t have made it sound as nice as you did,” I admitted, staring down at my half-eaten sandwich.

“Well, saying things in a pretty way was never something you were good at,” Eric said, and I smiled at the fondness in his voice. “The thing is, I know you wouldn’t have done what you did last night unless you were sure you had enough feelings to count. Maybe you might have gone that far without thinking too hard about it before we started figuring things out but after that? No, not your style to risk someone else like that.”

I sighed, squeezing his fingers. “I wish I had the same faith in myself that you have. I just can’t…”

“I know,” Eric said softly. “And I can’t tell you how much it bothers me to hear you talk like that. But then again, how can I expect anything different? All your information on yourself comes from other people or scattered memories that aren’t piecing much together.”

“You could always tell me I’m an ass for not taking your word for it,” I pointed out.

“Well, I thought about it, and it stung a little, but I realized I was thinking like…well, like me. Someone who has their memory, knows who they are and what they’ve done. You barely know me.”

“Eric, that doesn’t mean I can’t trust you.”

He smiled again. “I know, and I know you trust me enough to keep relying on me throughout this insanity. But no amount of trust can make you believe what I’m saying. You have to know who you are. You have to have…your whole life, all those experiences, back in your head. Otherwise, you’ve just got one person telling you what they believe, and that’s not the same thing as believing something yourself.”

“Well, he’s a pretty good guy to listen to,” I said, smiling.

“I have my moments,” he said with a small laugh, leaning closer.

A new, familiar voice interrupted before I could close the distance, freezing me in place. “Cute. I guess it’s nice to know I was right about something.”

Slowly, I turned to face the voice, jaw going stiff when I saw Officer Fitz. She was still in uniform, her hair tied into a tight bun. Her hand was also resting on her unlatched holster at her hip, fingers ready to curl around the weapon and draw. She was just the right distance away that she could use it before I could get close, and I wondered if she knew that.

“Of fucking course,” Eric muttered, easing away from me with slow, careful movements.

“Officer Fitz, when I say it’s a surprise to see you, I’m not lying,” I told her, looking her over.

Her eyes darted over our shoulders, and I knew she was taking in any potential threats and lines of sight around us. “Just so happened to be in the area.”

Eric snorted. “With the way my life has been going lately, I almost believe that…almost.”

“Eric,” I said in a low warning.

“You know she’s lying,” he muttered, glancing up at her with a scowl.

“Yes,” I said, keeping my hands in sight to help keep the woman calm. “But somehow, I think we’re going to get more of the story.”

“Oh really? Why’s that?” she asked with a snort.

“Because you showed up alone, you don’t have your weapon drawn, and you haven’t called for backup,” I said, eyes shifting to the radio on her shoulder. “Though I’m suddenly curious about Port Dale’s policy on making their officers wear body cams.”

“The police have argued their arrogant heads off against it,” Eric said with a snort. “So everyone just keeps talking in circles.”

“Not all of them,” Fitz fired back, looking troubled. “Some of us have offered to wear them, with or without the policy in place.”

“And what did your bosses have to say to that?” Eric asked.

“That until something was or wasn’t policy, we were all to act in accordance with what was already in place.”

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