Page 10 of Norah

“Yes?”

“I can’t wait to see you.”

ETHAN

I arrive at Norah’s apartment building in record time, half expecting her to change her mind before I can get there. Inviting me to her home, even just to the roof of her apartment building, is a sign that she’s letting meinto her life even more.

I’ve been curious about where she lives, wondering if it’s fancy or plain, whether it’s safe enough for someone as fragile as Norah. The building itself is pretty nondescript, just one in a line of identical brownstones that had once been single-family homes but were now home to hundreds of people.

No doorman, I notice with a frown. Just a buzzer and a door that anyone with nefarious intentions could easily breach. I don’t like the idea of Norah living alone with so few barriers between her and the danger outside.

Those protective instincts that had been dormant before meeting her are flaring hot, and I vow to do whatever I can to make her apartment safer. More locks, cameras, staying with me… Too soon for that, I remind myself with a shake of my head.What is this woman doing to me?

Norah meets me just inside the main door, and she’s stunning as usual. Her hair is pulled back in a long braid, and she’s wearing black yoga pants paired with an NYU sweatshirt. No makeup again, just her soft scent of oranges and vanilla.

Seeing Norah in clothes like this, something she wears to be comfortable at home, seems sexier than any skimpy clothes I could imagine her in. She gives me a hug and I silently cheer. Holding Norah and feeling her petite frame with slight curves is becoming my favorite pastime.

She leads me up to the roof, and it’s pretty nice. Just a plain roof, but clean, and there’s an assortment of different benches scattered around. We head to a bench that’s painted like the night sky, and it’s set in a nook where there’s a bit more privacy.

Norah notices me inspecting the bench. “Everyone who lives in the building can bring a bench up here. They don’t have to match. This one is from an old tenant, who left it behind. I think it’s the best one. It feels almost like you’re a part of the night sky when you’re sitting on it.”

“That’s pretty cool.” Norah settles down next to me and I debate whether to put my arm around her. I settle for taking her hand, which she accepts without hesitation. “Do you come up here a lot?”

She looks at the sky before answering. “Yeah, I do. When things get to be too much, it helps to look up and remember how small we actually are. Like, our problems aren’t as big as we think.”

We sit on the bench, searching for stars, and Norah tells me about the constellations. About how she was obsessed with them as a kid, and wanted to be an astronomer. All the books she would read and how she begged her parents for a telescope. It’s the most that she’s told me about her past, and it tells me more about who she is- smart, thoughtful, introspective.

“So what happened to your plans to become an astronomer?”

“Math happened,” she says, with a tiny laugh. “Not my greatest strength in school, and I realized I’d need a lot to get a degree. So I had to settle for being a rooftop astronomer instead.” Norah turns to me. “What did you want to be when you were a kid?”

“I wanted to be a secret agent. Like James Bond or something.” I shake my head ruefully. “That was before I discovered that secret agent isn’t an actual job title. As I got older, the idea of being in intelligence appealed to me. Something like the CIA.”

“Are you in the CIA? Or can you not tell me that?”

“No, not in the CIA. I went into the NAVY instead. But things changed, and I left the military.” The memories swarm back like unwelcome visitors, and I have to take a few breaths to refocus. “Now I’m just another regular civilian, doing a regular job.”

“You don’t seem like a regular guy to me.” She dips her head and looks at me shyly. “I think you’re anything but regular.”

My heart.How can she make me feel this way with just a few words? I want to pull her to me, capture her mouth and feel her flushed lips against mine.Too soon, too soon, too soon, I tell myself. So instead of doing all the things my body is screaming to do, I put my arm around her and hold my breath. When Norah leans into me, it feels like she’s always supposed to have been there.

We stay out in the cool night air, the sounds of the city surrounding us, and eventually I work up the courage to ask her the question that’s been in my mind all night. Even though I’m afraid that Norah will pull away, tell me it’s none of my business, I’m more scared to not ask at all. “Norah, can I ask you something?”

She nods, and I surge ahead before I lose my nerve. “You can tell me it’s none of my business, and it probably isn’t, but I care about you, so I can’t get it out of my mind. I think the reason I got worried when you didn’t answer my texts is because I thought maybe something bad had happened. I mean, I think you’re amazing and basically perfect, but it seems like there’s something you’re battling with and… I just hope that you’re OK.”

Norah’s voice is soft as she asks me, “Are you talking about the night at the bridge?”

“Yeah... I am.”

She turns and looks at me with a serious expression. “I know what it looked like. But I swear to you I wasn’t trying to kill myself that night. I went up there because of things I’m battling, and being up there made those things feel… smaller.”

I want to believe Norah, I truly do. She seems sincere, and hearing how she talked about looking at the sky it makes sense in a way. But the thought of her going back up there, or doing something else harmful, scares the shit out of me.

“Ethan, I promise you I’m telling you the truth. You don’t have to worry.”

Even if I accept her explanation for being up on that bridge, I need to be confident it won’t happen again.Can’thappen again. “Will you promise me that if you’re ever feeling bad, or you need to escape, you’ll call me? It doesn’t matter when. Just let me be there for you.”

“I promise you, Ethan. I’m so sorry that you’ve been worried about this.”

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