I screwed everything up.
Scarlett set to work the moment she walked in, making me a cup of chamomile tea.I would have preferred wine,I joked. She responded with a pointed glance at the pregnancy test.
Finally sitting on my bed, the unused test sitting between us, Scarlett took my hand. “It wasn’t some random one-night stand, was it?”
“No.” I wiped a tear from my cheek.
“Did you tell Xander?” she asked softly.
“How do you know it was Xander?” I whimpered.
“I suspected at the store, but Xander’s reaction told me everything. I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth the way I did.”
“It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I should have told you.” I rubbed my hands against the side of my face, willing the tears to subsist.
“And I should have known. That boy has been in love with you for years. And I’ve suspected you felt the same way. Honestly, it was the reasons I knew I’d never get into him when we dated in high school. I saw you guys together. It felt inevitable that you two would hook up. I always hoped you’d figure it out. Though I was hoping it was going to be a few years ago, not after this shit.”
“It doesn’t matter now. He’s gone,” I whispered.
“Does he know about the test? That you think you might be...” she trailed off, looking glumly at the bedspread.
“I didn’t have time. We got in this big fight, and he left.”
“I’m sure he’ll come back,” she consoled.
“No, I really screwed things up, Scarlett. He was so mad I was keeping what we have together a secret.” I glanced up at her. “When you said I had some mystery guy he flipped out.”
“You fought because of what I said?” she frowned at me, pulling her brows together.
“Kind of,” I shook my head. “Not really. I told him I’d tell you. But I kept chickening out. I was so scared, and I kept putting it off. I think he got tired of waiting for me.”
“That doesn’t sound fair,” she mumbled.
“He was right. I was using him. When he was trying to leave, I kept telling him he had to stay because I needed him. How selfish is that?”
She reached over and rubbed the top of my hand with her thumb. “He was mad because you didn’t tell me? Here’s your chance. Give me the story. I’ll let you know if you’re as selfish as you think you are.”
I wrapped my hands around my mug, staring down at the half-moon imprint my lip balm made on the rim of the mug. All my energy behind hiding this from Scarlett faded away. I couldn’t lie to her face, if anyone would understand, it would be Scarlett. I wanted desperately to talk to someone.
I glanced up at her, before looking out the window, my voice a low whisper. “I was so clueless. I had no idea what I was doing, Scar.”
She reached her hand across the bed taking mine. “Tell me everything.”
I sighed, leaning closer to her. “I’m not even sure where the beginning was.”
“I’m here all night. As long as you need me.”
So, I tell her. Hearing the words out loud makes the choices I made feel worse. Why couldn’t I have seen how I felt sooner? Why did I waste so much time on worrying about Max? How could I have been so blind?
Two more cups of herbal tea, a shared package of cookies and a bathroom break for each of us later Scarlett sat across from me, leaning back on her hands, and studied me with a perfect cat-eye lined look.
“So, you’ve been sleeping together for a few months now?” she asked.
I nodded at her glumly.
“But you think it was going on for a few months before that even?”
“Yes,” I replied, my cheeks burning red. “Honestly, closer to a year if I’m being honest.” I sunk my head into my arms on the table. “Ugh, I’m a horrible person.”