Page 80 of Reckless Liar

“But I do love you. I do.” The words burst forth with thick tears.

I watched his face as the words came. I expected him to soften, but instead his jaw clenched and before he looked away, I saw something pass before his eyes, a resignation, a pain. “No, you don’t. I’ve been so stupid not to see it. All this time I wasted on us, on you.”

I cried into my hands. “I do though, I really do love you.”

“No. You don’t want to lose me.”

I reached forward to grab his hands in mine. “Of course, I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose you because I love you. I love you, Alexander.”

“It’s too late. You think I can’t tell when you’re lying, Ana? I told you—I know you.”

“I love you.I love you!Why aren’t you hearing me? I love you,“ I pleaded.

“Stop saying that. Stop lying to me. Just stop!” he yelled.

This kind of anger I knew. It felt all too familiar. “You wanted this. You kissed me, you pursued me. Don’t act like I was the one in charge here. As if I was the one who controlled how you felt. You started it.”

“Maybe I did.” He stepped away. “If I started it, then I guess I can end it.”

I stood, frozen, as his words echoed through me. He stomped to his room, and I could hear drawers slamming and hangers rattling. When he emerged several minutes later, I was in the same spot.

“I’ll crash on someone’s couch. But I don’t think you should be here anymore when I get back. My name is on the lease.”

“Don’t go, please,” I pleaded.

“I can’t do this with you anymore. I can’t love you like this anymore.”

“But I need you—“ I cried. I knew how selfish I sounded. I couldn’t form the right words. “I love you! I love you, please Alexander. Don’t leave me. I love you, so, so much.”

He closed his eyes and I hoped he was reconsidering leaving. “I waited so long to hear you tell me that.”

“So, stay! We can figure this out. You said we’d be different. You promised me...”

“I never promised you I wouldn’t leave,” his words held an icy edge.

Looking down at the ground, I summoned the courage to lash out. I had nothing left but to hit him back where I knew it’d hurt. “How are you any different from Max right now? Leaving me all alone. You said we’d talk, and we’d work things out. But just like Max, you yell at me, and now you’re leaving me. You promised me things you had no intention of giving. You make me think I could be happy, and then you destroy me. You think I don’t know how that feels? I spent years in this misery. So go ahead. Leave me ruined, just like Max did.”

His voice softer now. He stepped closer to me. His hand was on my arm. I stood frozen in my anguish. “I’m tired of talking about this, Ana. I can’t be your crutch. I can’t be this pillar for you to lean on. I’m tired of waiting. I’ve been waiting for years for you. I can’t keep having you tear me to pieces.”

“And what do you think you’re doing to me right now?” I cried.

“You’ll be fine. We both know I was only a distraction for you, anyway.” He stepped forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I grasped at his shirt, trying to pull him closer to me. He slowly pulled away, peeling my fingers off his shirt. I kept my eyes closed as he walked away. When the door closed, I sank to my knees, the carpet cushioning my fall. It all felt too familiar, the way my legs felt against the ground, the stifling silence around me. The feeling came upon me, a relentless wave crashing into my chest. I loved him. I loved him. I loved him, but it wasn’t enough.

EventuallyIwasableto get myself together enough to find my way to my room. I pulled on my nightgown and retreated to the bathroom to wash my tear-stained face. My eyes were red and puffy, my hair was a lanky copper mess around my head. I looked like how I felt. How could I so quickly ruin everything? I bent down to splash water on my face. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the box on the ground, resting on its side. I dried my face carefully before bending down to retrieve the box. I read the instructions twice before pulling the stick out. I took a deep breath as I ripped the foil aside to pull the test out.

How quickly everything changed for me. I thought this test was going to be the beginning of something for us. Now no matter what the test said, it was the end of me and Xander.

I picked up my phone and texted the only other person I could rely on.

I need you.

Scarlett replied in seconds.

I’ll be right over.

I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and waited for Scarlett. I know how much I had to lose soon enough.

I picked up my phone and sent one more message to Scarlett.

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