Page 72 of Rocked: The Price of Dreams

We needed our hit of fun.

We were living the best life...until...something changed.

In Paris, I couldn’t sleep. I was restless. Lyrics spiraled through my head, but...there was something else. Some new ache had grown in my chest. In the hotel’s penthouse suite that I shared with the guys, I snuck out of my bedroom. I grabbed my guitar and headed onto the balcony that had a gorgeous view of the Eiffel Tower.

I sat on one of the padded bench seats and played softly. As I stared at the gorgeous city full of lights, my heart shuddered. It hit me. I had the most incredible life. Not many people ever achieved their dreams, but I managed to live mine every day. I had two incredible guys by my side who had been on this journey with me. I had an awesome team. I was surrounded by people and fans who adored me ...but I was lonely.

I was tired of meaningless hookups. Tired of not having someone to hold at night. I missed how content I’d been with Ben. Shit! Did I want a boyfriend? Who the fuck would put up with this life? Who’d put up with me? Who would fit into my world that I could trust?

Tears prickled my eyes. One escaped, sliding down my cheek.

No one. That was the fucking problem. No one.

“Hey!”

I jumped at Kyle’s voice. I quickly dried my cheek on the sleeve of my T-shirt.

“Shit, babe. What’s wrong?” He rushed to my side and drew me into a hug.

I closed my eyes, refusing to let more tears fall. But the salty droplets pushed at the back of my eyelids, wanting to escape. I sucked in a deep breath, refusing to give in.

I sniffled but spoke with a calm, nothing-is-wrong voice. “I’m fine. Just couldn’t sleep.”

“But you’re crying.”

“No. I’m not.”

“Gem, don’t lie.” He smoothed his hand over my hair and kissed the top of my head. “I know you. What’s going on?”

His warmth enveloped me as I cuddled into his chest, breathing in the scent of his freshly laundered pajama T-shirt. “Do you ever have that feeling that even though you have so much to be grateful for, you have so many good and wonderful things in your life, and every day you count your lucky stars, but you’re still missing something? Do you feel guilty or ashamed for wanting something more?”

His heart thudded and raced beneath my ear. He inhaled deeply, held his breath, then let it out slowly. His arms tightened around me. This was what I missed...being held close and loved by someone.

But I wanted a lover, not just a friend.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. I did not need this bullshit in my life. We were only halfway through tour. I had to get my head back in the game.

“Gem, I have everything I want. Right here. With you.” He hooked his fingertip underneath my chin and raised it up. His gaze locked onto mine. “Like you, I always want more. Would love more. But I’m afraid to ruin what we have. I don’t want to fuck up our lives.”

“Me either.” I drew my brows together. Wait. I wasn’t sure we were on the same page. “Are you talking about music?”

“Um...” He smiled but it didn’t touch his eyes. “Like you, I can’t wait until we record all our own music. I love SureHaven’s songs and touring, but I want it to be the songs we write. Let our tracks rule the airwaves, not theirs.”

“Yeah. Two years we’ll be able to do that.”

I rested my head against his shoulder and curled my arms around his elbow. We sat in perfect silence, savoring the quiet and calm. But the ache in my chest flared. “Kyle? Do you get tired of endless casual sex?” No. That hadn’t come out right. “I mean, do you ever get lonely? Do you miss having a girlfriend?”

He rubbed and stroked my arm, gentle and soothing. “Yeah. It’s been messing with my head for a while. Our crazy life keeps getting in the way. But...but what if it didn’t have to?”

“It always will, won’t it?” I sighed. “I think I’m just tired. We haven’t had a break for weeks. I’m looking forward to a few days off after Tokyo.”

“Yeah. We’ll go snowboarding. Go out dancing. Eat endless bowls of ramen.”

“I can’t wait.”

“You know what you need?” He sat upright, turned toward me and cradled the side of my neck.

“What’s that?” I curled my hand around his forearm.

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