Page 95 of Sinister Games

Richard was powerful enough to get my landlord and my roommate to lie but the banks? No, that didn’t seem possible. Which meant the only plausible explanation was that he was right. We had met before the cab accident. Then why didn’t I remember?

Holding my head in my hands, I tried to stop the spinning thoughts.

It felt like I was on some sick and twisted merry-go-round. That was the problem, I kept circling over the same spot over and over again.

I loved him.

Against all reason, against my better good, against everything… I loved him.

“Why?” asked Jane last night as she handed me wine in our usual mugs.

“I can’t explain it. It’s just… being with him is more.”

“More?”

“Yeah, more. Everything is bigger, brighter, more intense. Things aren’t nice, they’re exhilarating. A party isn’t just a party, it’s a fucking rush walking in on his arm. Dinners? They’re insane. The food tastes better and you never know what surprise he has planned for dessert.”

Clinking her mug with mine, she smirked, “So is the sex more too?”

I blushed. I hadn’t really told Jane any of the kinkier aspects of our relationship. How could I possibly have begun? You know that guy I’m dating? He likes to shove feathered butt plugs up my ass and call me his little bird and I totally get off on it? Uh… no.

“The sex is… off the charts,” I said as I lowered my eyes to concentrate on the contents of my mug.

“He’s a pretty big guy… is he big… everywhere else?” she asked with an exaggerated wag of her eyebrows.

I hit her with a pillow. “I’m not talking about Richard’s cock with you!”

“Well, you can’t deny there are some pretty awesome fringe benefits.”

We both looked down at the coffee table where I had spread out all the bird pins Richard had bought me. They looked out of place on the dusty and scarred tabletop that was littered with old fashion magazines.

I picked one up and crushed it in my palm, holding it against my heart. A sharp pain had me hissing air through my teeth as I pulled my hand away and opened my palm. The sharp edge of the pin had pricked my palm. A small bead of blood had formed in the center. Placing my palm against my mouth, I licked the crimson drop away.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Lizzie. It’s like this guy makes you insanely happy and insanely miserable at the same time.”

“Exactly!” I said with a huff as I fell back on the sofa, putting the pillow over my face. Holding it close, I kicked out my legs and screamed into its fluffy contents before slamming it down on my lap.

Brushing my hair out of my eyes, I continued, “He makes me so mad, but I can’t imagine life without him now.”

Jane shrugged. “Men. Can’t live with them. Can’t kill them.”

We clinked mugs and drained the contents.

Now as I sat alone in our flat, I couldn’t get him off my mind. I missed him. Despite all the confusion and games and lies, I missed him. I missed the feel of his arms and the smell of his cologne. I missed the dark honey sound of his voice and the way his gaze fixated on me as if I were the only person in the world. I missed the feel of his hand on my lower back as he guided me through a crowd and how he would always feed me tasty bites of his own meal. I missed the look of pride in his eyes when he showed me my dress designs come to life for the first time.

And even if I was going straight to hell for it, I missed the mind-blowing sex.

For the hundred-thousandth time, I picked up my phone and checked for missed calls or texts.

Nothing.

I knew he wouldn’t call or text. He hated mobile phones.

I needed to stop thinking about all the good things and think about all the ways he was bad for me.

He was controlling. You mean protective?

He pushed the line. You mean got you out of your comfort zone, made you experience new things?

He was domineering. You mean the way he would push you against a wall and kiss you senseless just like in the movies?

I wondered if he missed me as much as I missed him. Was he just as miserable? Maybe he had already found someone new? Like that crazy woman from a few weeks ago. Had he already replaced me with someone more willing to take risks, more adventurous? Someone more willing to play his games?

Oh, my God! Stop it!I shouted to my inner mind.

Enough was enough. This toxic, twisted merry-go-round had to end.

Looking down at the bird pins, I swiped them with my arm, scattering them in a shimmering blur across the floor.

I knew what I had to do…

---