Page 15 of Into the Light

Until, “Raf?”

“Yeah?”

“I uh, I care about you a lot.”

My smile was automatic. And even though I didn’t know exactly what she meant by it, and even though I couldn’t—wouldn’t—do anything with that knowledge anyway, it made my chest swell with a feeling I’d never experienced before. Not with any woman I’d ever been with. So I couldn’t help the words that came next.

“I really care about you too, Ellie. More than you know.”

six

ELLIE

I’d been flying highall day from the tender phone call with Raf the night before. I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up. It wasn’t like he’d actually said he wanted me, but he cared about me. More than I knew.

I mean, I knew he cared about me. Of course he did. We were friends and he’d been a protector-type for years, not that he’d ever let me forget it. But what didmoremean? Was that him admitting to his feelings? In a cryptic, closed-off way that only Raf could do?

Or maybe he just meant in a brotherly way and I was being an idiot again. I went through all of the signs, years of interactions. They played on a loop in my head, even without me wanting them to. And I could see explanations for both sides, which drove me nuts.

I closed up the shop at six and headed over to the pub to grab some take-out. Tonight was supposed to be dinner with the gang, but everyone flaked. I knew that coupling up made it harder to hang out as a group, but it didn’t stop me from feeling the loneliness take hold.

I could have gone to Sam and Alex’s place. It was a second home for me. But they were about to get married and I really didn’t want to be the annoying little sister that was always hanging around.

As I opened the door, a wave of music and conversation hit me. The pub was usually loud, and maybe it was just me, but it seemed even louder tonight. I headed over to the bar and sat on the stool at the end. Televisions hanging around the place displayed various games, but none of the sound could be heard over the music and buzz of conversation.

“Hey El,” the bartender called as he filled a pint.

“Hey Toby. Just a Sam Adams and a to-go menu please.”

“Sure thing.”

He dropped off the menu and came back with a full pint glass a minute later. I thanked him and took a long sip, perusing the menu and trying to decide between the barbecue burger and the fish and chips.

“Well, fancy meeting you here.”

I turned my head toward the familiar voice. “Hey, Derek.”

He climbed up on the stool next to me and smiled.

“How’s it going?” he asked.

“Oh not bad. Just picking up some dinner.”

“Ah. You and Rafael again?”

“What? No.” I laughed, but even to my own ears, it seemed a little forced.

“I just thought… I don’t know, he seemed a little territorial last night.”

“Oh,” I waved my hand away, “that’s just his default setting.”

Derek laughed. “Gotcha. Well, how about you stay and join me for dinner.”

That caught me off guard, but it really shouldn’t have. I’d gotten the feeling last night that he was interested in starting things up again. And I didn’t really have a reason to not consider it. Did I?

I thought of Raf and the phone call last night. But then I remembered him saying he couldn’t be with anyone, and that’s just how it was. He confused me left and right, and no matter how much I wanted him, he was clearly either not interested or not able to be with me. For whatever reason.

“Come on, El. It’s just dinner. My treat, but no strings attached.”

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