“Just talking to myself,” I said.

Sonny’s house was coming into view, and I couldn’t even explain how heavy the weight on my shoulders felt. I wanted to be anywhere. Anywhere but there.

Even though New York was lit up, the house was as it had been during the outage. Shrouded in bitter darkness.

A heavy sigh that lightened nothing slipped past my lips.

Aren pulled to the curb, but I didn't make a move to get out. He glanced at me through the rearview mirror. “I’ve seen all sorts of things over the years. I've heard all sorts of stories. I even had a woman get in my cab once and tell me to just drive. I asked her to where? She said...Anywhere. Just drive. When it’s time, I'll let you know. Then bring me back here. To this spot.

“She was quiet the entire drive, looking out of the window. So was I. I still don't have a clue what was on her mind. Maybe she was considering a marriage proposal. Maybe she was considering divorce. Maybe she was waiting for someone to kill her husband. It would make a good alibi…”

He grew quiet, his eyes faraway, probably still in the cab with her. A few seconds later, he blinked. “Where to?”

“Just drive,” I whispered. “When it’s time, I'll let you know. Then bring me back here. To this spot.”

He grinned, but it didn't touch his eyes. “You got it.”

He pulled away from the curb. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the cool glass. My mind and heart were screaming over each other again. I couldn’t tell which was fighting for what.

Lilo was at the center of the argument. He always was.

The look in his eyes when I left him on the steps. When I noticed him hustling toward the street behind us, picking something up.

Leaving him always felt like leaving behind a piece of me. Then again, how could I forgive him? I couldn’t lie to myself. I still loved him. I always would. But I couldn’t seem to make him suffer enough for what he’d done.

He was the one person I’d trusted most in the world. He made me believe in surrendering as he picked me up off the floor. He’d made me believe that no matter what else happened, it was the two of us.

Then…

I sighed, the glass fogging with my warm breath.

I wasn't sure how long we drove for, but it didn't seem like long when the cab came to a stop. I opened my eyes and, despite the ache in my heart, I grinned at the view.

It hurt.

Everything hurt.

My eyes met Aren’s through the mirror.

“Do you mind?” I said, nodding toward Minnie.

“Got all night. I'm just going to rest my eyes for a second.”

Minnie grunted in her sleep when I moved, but she plopped over on the seat, getting comfortable.

It was warm outside and breezy. My hair blew in my face, and I twisted it up, putting it in a messy bun held together by a long strand of my hair. Pieces were already falling out, but it was better than the alternative. There was no hope for my bangs. The air lifted them and sent them in all different directions. I rested my butt against the car, the headlights breaking around me, but still highlighting the scene in front of me.

My hands were trembling. I set them behind me, between me and the hood, feeling the burn of the engine on my palms, and closed my eyes.

The whirlwind spun me back.

ELEVEN

LUCILA

THE PAST

I’min the janitorial closet. My eyes are closed and I’m sitting on my hands.