Page 96 of A Manny for Christmas

Wow. Those are two scary motherfucking words strung together.

But they’re necessary. Because it’s not that Molly doesn’t think I’m up to the job. She’s just not allowing herself to fully believe yet that I reallywantthe job.

She wants to believe it, I can tell. Really wants to. But where her children are concerned, she wants the best. As she should. So it’s up to me to prove my commitment. To prove I’m not just insinuating myself into their lives so I can lock their mother down, but because I love them.

This is the most important test I’ve ever faced, and I’m going to nail it.

My plan is pretty simple, really.

Show those kids that the day they let me take the place of their good-for-nothing father was the best thing that ever happened to them.

Slide a ring on their mother’s finger, and never let her go.

* * *

Molly’s still yawning post-bath.I bring the duvet over to the sofa and tuck us up so we can watchThe Holidayon the large TV. I wouldn’t be surprised if she crashed out halfway through the movie. I’ve just made a pot of tea, which may help.

‘You’re exhausted,’ I tell her as I hand her a mug and get under the duvet beside her. ‘Is it the time of year, do you think?’

‘It definitely doesn’t help,’ she says, running her free hand over her tired eyes, ‘but I think it’s mainly the job taking its toll. I’m not sure how long I can keep going.’

‘Seriously?’ I twist to look at her in surprise. ‘I thought this was your dream gig.’

‘Don’t get me wrong; the job itself is. But getting up in the dark for most of the year is really killing me. And I hate not seeing the kids in the morning—that’s not normal.’

‘You’re not missing much,’ I say drily. ‘It’s not exactly high quality time.’

She laughs. ‘I don’t doubt that. But it’s still shitty, and it’s not really fair on them. And I’m so tired all the time, even on the weekends. I feel like I’m always playing catch-up.’

‘Do you have any thoughts on how you can make it better? Can you speak to Zoe about shorter shifts, maybe?’

She sighs. ‘The problem is that the job, by its very nature, is always front-end loaded. Maybe I could finish earlier, but I’d still have those hideous mornings.’

‘You know, when Angus first got together with Evelyn, he was getting up at ridiculous o’clock every morning to do the early rounds. The first thing she did when she put that huge cash injection into the farm was make him hire an underling to take over.’

She smiles at that. ‘That’s very sensible, and I’d love to do that, but I really need to be there to supervise. I’ve been having a few thoughts about striking out on my own, though.’

This is news to me. ‘Really? Doing what?’

She pauses, and I suspect she’s self-conscious of putting voice to whatever seed of an idea is germinating in her head. I sip my tea while I wait.

‘Cakes,’ she says. ‘I make most of the cakes for the farm’s weddings, unless the couple opts to bring one in from an outside vendor, and they’re getting a lot of interest since Miles and Saoirse Montague got married. Sadie’s done a great job of getting me featured in the wedding press. And I’ve come to realise those one-off creative projects are my favourite part of the job.

‘I had so much fun doing the gingerbread village, even if it was a burden doing it on top of the day job. And this morning, when I was decorating four seasonal cakes for a featureBridesmagazine is doing for us, I realised how happy it made me to do stuff like that. I much prefer working on those kinds of creations than I do overseeing the heavy lifting every single day—that side of the job is beginning to feel like a grind.’

‘A grind, and possibly not the best use of your talents,’ I prompt, my calm voice giving nothing away. But really, I’m excited, because I instinctively know Molly could nail this idea if she wanted to, especially with the powerhouse that is the Sorrel Farm brand behind her.

‘Probably not,’ she agrees.

‘Do you know if the farm would continue to use your cakes for weddings and other occasions, even if you were technically an outside vendor?’

‘I don’t see why not. The cake is a distinct line item on the quote we give anyone who’s holding an event here. I imagine the farm would just pass the cost on with a mark-up.’

‘And what would you need in terms of set-up?’

‘Not much. A small industrial kitchen and some kit. There would be some set-up costs, yes. Especially rent, I suppose. And possibly some staff costs. The main financial stretch would obviously be me giving up my salary to strike out on my own.’

I’m silent for a moment. I know, from the few conversations we’ve had on the topic and what Angus has told me, that the deal she got in the divorce didn’t grant her much in the way of a nest-egg. The only real chance she has of freeing up capital is to sell that painting, and that’s her kids’ inheritance, right there. She’d be crazy to sell it, even if she wasn’t as emotionally attached to it as she is.

---