Page 80 of My Secret Bandit

I gave him what probably looked like the world’s most defeated smile.

“Wanna talk it out?”

I scoffed. “Not here.”

“Let’s go then.” He was quick to suggest it, quick to throw away a day of productive hours to listen to me whine about someone I wasn’t even sure I wanted to still be friends with.

Noticing my pause, he nudged his shoulder into mine. “Come on. They’ll survive without me for a little while.”

I followed his lead down the painted edge of the field.

“Did you and Mateo talk about buying matching cars or was this an accident?” I joked, needing to forget my worries if only for a minute.

“First of all, they’re very different. And I got Claudia first.” His fingertips glided over the curves of the glossy white hood.

“Claudia?”

He replied with a simple nod.

On the road, the powerful hum of the engine filled the cabin for a few quiet minutes.

“So,” he huffed, “what the fuck happened with Stuart Little?”

“I don’t know,” I whined. Too many emotions and thoughts tangled together for me to decipher exactly what happened. “I should hate him, right? You do and you don’t even know him that well.”

“Doesn’t that make it easier for me?” His expression showed a sense of wisdom and honest understanding. “I don’t know Kyle the way you do. I don’t have a history with him. I’ve had oneverybrief, unpleasant conversation with him. Mateo is the brother I always wanted, and I feel this crazy protectiveness for you. So, by hurting you and pissing off Mateo, Kyle essentially gained an enemy for life.”

“And that’s the problem. He’s sparked negative reactions from every person I love enough to consider my family. Xander, hewasmy family, and that’s really the most fucked up part. He was the only person there for me when my mom passed. After the accident, he helped me. A lot. He helped with school, he took care of my house while I was in the hospital. He held my hand and cried with me at her funeral. He made sure I didn’t turn into a fucking recluse.God, Xander.He fought like hell forweeksjust to get me to smile. How could he go through all that just to abandon our friendship when it wasn’t going his way? How could I let someone that selfish into my life just to break my heart later?”

“I’m sorry, Jamie. I didn’t know about your mom,” he said. “You have a big heart and that allows you to love people in a way where you can see through their flaws. Maybe you’re too trusting, not that that’s a bad thing. Sounds like you’re looking to rebuild something you’ve been missing. And for a while, Kyle helped you do that. You can hate him. Forgive him. I don’t necessarily like the kid, but I’ll back you either way.”

“Thanks, Xander.” For the first time since going on this ride with Xander, I relaxed into the smooth leather seat. “Can I ask you something?” I looked out at the blur of passing cars and buildings.

“I’m feeling overly sharey. So, sure. What the hell?”

“Not that I’m complaining, but why do you feel so protective of me?” I watched him from the passenger seat, waiting for a reaction that never came. I don’t know why I expected him to be uncomfortable with the question or shy away from it. He hasn’t shown himself to be anything but honest and open.

He answered with a simple lift of his shoulders. “The first time I noticed it, I was watching Mateo in a full-fledged freak out after he talked to you in Atlanta. I wasn’t sure what it was then my heart broke when I saw the article, even more so when I watched you read it. Right then, I knew I’d do anything for you, just like I would Mattie. And I guess you could say I’m trying to rebuild something I’ve been missing too.”

“And what’s that?”

“A family. Same as you. When I was ten, I lost my little sister to Leukemia. After she passed, both of my parents turned to drugs and alcohol to forget the pain. Not long after that, my mom OD’d and my dad started beating the shit out of me like I was the one who stuck the needle in her arm. I left home at thirteen and haven’t looked back since.”

The ease in which he said all this left a chill snaking down my back. No child should have to experience something like that or have to fend for themselves. “Xander. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

I finally understood why I connected with him as easily as I did. We both came from broken homes—although my absentee father was nothing compared to his abusive one—and we’ve both known the devastation of losing loved ones. Because of our upbringings, we longed for the pieces that’d been missing throughout our childhood.

“It’s fine. I’ve dealt with all the traumatic stuff, moved past it. I’m here now. I’m happy. I’m successful, and I’m slowly filling in what I’ve been missing.” He looked over to me with the most genuine smile. If I wasn’t sure before, I definitely was now Xander was family, and he’d never leave or take my love for granted.

I wasn’t ready to leave the comfort of his car; a fact he noticed as he parked but didn’t get out or even shut off the engine. We sat for a few minutes longer, the soft sound of the radio playing in the background.

“Oh! Jeffrey said he loves you.” I laughed, suddenly remembering my mentor holding his gift like he’d birthed it himself.

“The scotch?” he asked, his eyes glittering with admiration.

I nodded.

He pretended to sniffle. “That’s the nicest thing that grumpy old turd has ever said to me, I think I might cry. You know, he doesn’t seem like much of a hugger, but he’s just gonna have to get used to it. You ready?”

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