Page 106 of Honest With You

“About Margaret…” I whisper into the night, not fully knowing how to start this conversation. I stop short when Ava turns in my arms, her hands going to my face.

“Say it. Whatever it is. It no longer holds any power over me.” She smiles, kissing me softly. “We’re stronger than our past, Jesse. I believe in us.”

Fuck.

My heart bursts with so much love, I swear my chest cracks.

“I love you so fucking much, sweet girl.”

“I love you too. Now spill it.”

I chuckle, squeezing her until she squeals and laughs.

“I want you to know that my mom and I only went that day because I knew I needed to fully let go of the guilt I felt. Mom and I sat with her counselor and her parents who had suggested the meeting so we could get the closure we needed. She was admitted to a center that specializes in mental health services. Her drug and alcohol abuse had covered up so many of her issues that when she finally got sober, it became abundantly clear they had only scratched the surface of what was really going on. She suffers from bipolar disorder, which was the catalyst for her substance abuse. She apologized for what she did to me, to us and her parents apologized for blaming me. And that was it. That was the last time I ever saw or heard from her again.”

She’s nodding her head as I speak but the second I’m done, her arms go around my neck, one hand squeezing my nape while the other tangles in my hair.

“Thank you. Let’s never speak of it ever again.” She quirks an eyebrow at me, her eyes so full of laughter and love that I’m speechless for a bit, until she nips at my bottom lip and I take control.

“Marry me,” I whisper against her lips, the words tumbling out before I can even process what I’m saying.

She gasps, pushing against my chest. Her eyes wide with surprise stare up at me, but it’s too late for me to pretend I didn’t just blurt it out like that.

I grab hold of her hands on my chest and once again, hand the last pieces of my heart to the only woman who has ever owned it.

“I mean it. Marry me.” I kiss her fingertips, then swipe at a tear that escapes down her cheek. Releasing a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding, I scoot her off my lap and onto the picnic blanket. I jog over to the car, my mind loud with lyrics that beg to be written and my ears ring with a melody I haven’t heard since high school.

I grab my guitar from the trunk and jog back over to Ava.

She’s biting her lip as she watches me approach.

I settle down in front of her and shoot her a nervous smile. Then I do what I do best. I sing to the girl who helped me find my way back to music all those years ago. To the woman who unknowingly steered me in the direction of a passion that I live and breathe.

This is where we fell in love,

And when you gave me your heart,

I knew I'd never wanna be apart.

When you left you took my soul with you,

I wish you took the rest of me too.

Without you, what am I supposed to do?

Don't you know I can't exist without you?

You're the lyric in my head,

the music in my soul,

the song in my heart that I can't forget.

You're the muse to every chord and word I've ever written.

Let me be honest with you,

I never ever stopped loving you.

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