Page 105 of Honest With You

“That you and I are inevitable.”

She tries to hide a smile by ducking her head but I catch it making me flash a wide grin. She says nothing as she turns to head inside the room.

I don’t even hesitate. I follow her in, kicking the door shut with my foot and grabbing her by the waist. I hoist her up over my shoulder, fireman style. She squeals, but it’s a happy one and she doesn’t fight back. Instead she relaxes, kicks off her shoes and pats my butt, giggling.

Fuck, does it feel good. This feels like us again.

Good. Right.

Ilaugh when he tosses me on the bed like a sack of rice, but the laughter ends when he climbs on top of me. We’re almost nose to nose, chest to chest but he gives me enough room for me to know, he’s waiting for me to tell him what I want.

“If we do this, you’re mine, Ava. I’m not forcing you to do anything, no matter what. I can and will wait until you’re ready to forgive me but if we do this now, it means you’re mine again, as much as I’ve been yours since I was thirteen.” His voice is gruff with need, his jaw taut and his eyes are burning with honesty. With lust. With the love he’s never tried to hide from me.

My hand comes up to cup his face, my thumb whispering against the stubble that’s grown since he shaved this morning, and I offer him a gentle smile.

“I forgave you a long time ago, Jesse.” My eyes trail down to his lips, and using my other hand, I trace the outline of his lips. “I’ve just held on to the memory for this long because I was scared. And for that, I’m sorry–”

He opens his mouth to argue and I pull him down for a short, gentle kiss. Resting his forehead against mine, he grunts but lets me continue.

“We were kids and I failed to remember that what was happening to me was happening to you too. You lost that baby–” I choke on the word. It feels like opening up a wound my body has worked so hard to heal, but I know this is what I need to do for us to move forward. I’ve made my mistakes that I need to own up to when it comes to us. “What happened wasn’t your fault. It just wasn’t the right time.”

I don’t want him to carry the burden of our breakup anymore. We both made mistakes. It’s taken me this long to admit it and I need to apologize for that.

“Ava…” He turns on his side, taking me with him. His arms come around me and he holds me to his chest. His hand comes to clasp my chin, tilting it up as he kisses my tears away.

They stream hot and heavy down my cheeks because now that I’ve finally admitted it to both of us, the guilt is nearly crushing me. It pains me to think that I let him sit with this feeling for years while I used everything at my disposal to avoid the aftermath of the hurt I caused him.

“You lost that baby too, Jesse.” My voice cracks but it bears repeating. It’s been years but the memory of losing our child is still fresh, like it happened yesterday. “I’m so sorry for not being there for you while you dealt with that.”

Kissing my nose, he rests his forehead against mine again. His breath dances on my skin and I hear him swallow. His chest heaves as he pulls me tighter against him.

“Baby, I–” He unleashes a string of curses under his breath and he finally snaps. I feel his tears mingle with mine and we spend several minutes holding each other as we mourn the loss of what could have been.

“I never stopped loving you either, Jesse.” I whisper, finally admitting to the truth I denied even myself. “I don’t think I’ve stopped since you kissed me when I was twelve.”

He smiles against my skin, his nose buried in the curve of my jaw. “You mean whenyoukissedme?” He teases in a low voice as he once again rolls me to my back. “Tell me you’re mine again, Ava.”

I smile through the tears, releasing the pain I’ve held on to for years. “I’ve always been yours.” I pull down the neck of my satin blouse, showing him what I’ve worn in secret for the last six years.

His eyes widened at the sight of the necklace he bought me for my eighteenth birthday. Grabbing the back of his shirt, he pulls it off and I gasp when I see a tattoo on his chest. It’s inked just above his heart.

It was a crescent moon wrapped around the sun, my initials dancing around it.

My fingers trace it, feeling his heartbeat speed up at my touch. My heart breaks for the pain I caused him, it bursts with the love I have for him and it aches with how long I’ve gone without him.

My eyes find their way back to find him watching me, his eyes shining. “Every single thing I’ve done these last six years was to find a way back to you. My heart only beats for you. I’ve always been yours, even when you weren’t mine.”

I shake my head. “I’ve always been yours too, Jesse. I will only ever be yours.”

And because I’m not as talented with words as he is, nor can I ever find a way to truly articulate how much I love him, I do so without words. I pull him down to me, my hands tangling in his hair as I crash my mouth against his, my body opening up to him just as my heart now does again.

We whisper words of love in between slow kisses and fervent touches. Each time, a balm to the wounds we caused each other.

My arms tighten around Ava when I feel her shiver. She tilts her head to look up at me and I trail kisses from her nose to her forehead, burying my nose in her hair when she leans back into my chest.

By some unspoken decision, we made our way back up to Mt. Soledad.

Even with our declarations of love, there is still one thing I needed to address so she and I can move on and be together, without doubts lingering like poison.

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