Page 41 of Glad You Exist

But it feels strange. My palms are sweaty. I work on not focusing on the tension crackling in the air between us right now.

“El?”

I turn so I’m facing him. I lean on the couch’s armrest, pulling my knees underneath me to buy a few extra minutes so I can think about how to say this in a way that won’t betray the number of emotions currently racing through me.

“It was my idea.”

I succeed in shocking him. He stays silently staring at me, his face crumpling in confusion.

When Aunt Rose casually let it slip, that Brad had cancelled his party, I begged her to tell me why. When she did, I knew I had to do something about it, so I solicited Kyle and Kim’s help. I don’t know Brad’s friends. They know everyone.

If he is decidedly against having his family throw him a party, then he can’t exactly say no if we throw him a surprise one. Well, two surprise parties. One for his friends, another for his family. Especially if the reason why he didn’t want to do it in the first place is the one planning it.

“But…why?”

I roll my eyes at him in mock frustration, holding out each finger as I count the number of reasons off the top of my head, “Because I want to.”

“Because I’m trying to make up for lost time.”

“Because regardless, you’re still my best friend.”

“Because this is your last chance to celebrate with all your friends before graduation.”

I sit up and raise an eyebrow, “Do I need to go on?”

He stares at me in shock, then he relents and lets out a resigned sigh.

“I should have known my mom would play the Liz card.”

I feel myself soften at his defeated expression, “Will you please just let me do this?”

He gives me the sweetest smile. It makes my heart beat a little faster.

What is going on with me today?

“Will you be okay? You know Kim. She’s bound to invite more people than she should.”

This guy. How is he so selfless?

I nod, “All the more reason to have it here so I can make a quick escape.”

“You’ll let me know if it gets to be too much?”

“Bradley.” I emphasize his name, the way I do when he starts to be a bit much.

“It’syourbirthday. You should enjoy yourself and hang out with your friends. Who I’m guessing you already don’t see much of these days?”

Ignoring what I said, he shakes his head, “Nope. Either you promise to or no party.”

I narrow my eyes at him borrowing a move from Kim’s playbook and playfully smack him in the arm, “Yes. Okay fine. I will.”

He holds his pinky out and I wrap mine around his. “Deal.”

* * *

I miss my mom.Every day the pain and grief are there. They never go away.

But losing her has taught me something—that I need to stop hiding and start living.

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