Page 42 of Glad You Exist

It is just after eleven and as I look around Brad’s backyard at all the people laughing, dancing, and having fun, I’m struck with just how much I miss her and how much I wish she could see me now.

Living.

Just like she always wanted me to do.

Aunt Rose had only two rules tonight. One, that no one besides the four of us were allowed past the first floor. Two, that if anyone drinks, they can’t drive themselves home.

I’m doing this for Mom. I’m doing this for Brad.I remind myself for the fifth time tonight.

I shake the intrusive thoughts away as I focus on not tripping over anyone’s feet. I make my way around the throngs of people milling around the makeshift dance floor.

Party-planning is definitely one of Kim’s talents.

What she has managed to accomplish in just a few days is nothing short of impressive. With the help of Aunt Rose and her AmEx, they have succeeded in turning half the backyard into a club. There’s even a DJ and everything. The other side of the backyard has been transformed into a tropical paradise, equipped with tiki torches surrounding the pool, floaties, and an impressive buffet. I helped with ordering the food and will help make lunch tomorrow but that’s about it for my contribution.

Kim has also somehow managed to invite a ton of people from our grade as well as some underclassmen. I guess it helps that Kyle is basically a god at our school.

Everyone wants to be where he is. So here they all are.

He is currently in the middle of a huge group of guys from the football team cracking jokes and shooting shit.

I leave Kim on the dance floor. I make an excuse about needing a drink after she begs me to dance with her and her friends. I have spent the majority of the evening with them and now I need a break. It isn’t that I didn’t like them. They are all pretty nice considering they’re probably annoyed that I’ve been monopolizing Kim’s time for the last few weeks, but I just don’t have anything in common with them. And I definitely don’t feel comfortable dancing in front of this many people.

My social meter has reached its limit and I needed a breather.

I made a deal with Brad before the party started. He promised me that he would spend time with his friends, and I promised that I would come find him if it got to be too much for me.

He doesn’t need to know that I have no intention of doing so. He has thrown himself into taking care of me these past few months. It’s about time I take care of him and put him first.

Tonight, I won’t make him worry about me.

Tonight, he deserves to have fun. With his friends.

With his girlfriend?

I can feel my back stiffen at the thought and my face heats up remembering what we walked into earlier. Kim and I had ventured back into the house so she could pee and fix her makeup. We stopped short when we caught sight of Brad sitting closely together with a leggy blonde in the main sitting room that he had turned into a gaming station.

I recognized her from school, but I didn’t know who she was.

Kim said her name was Courtney and that she was a junior in the Drama Club.

They were so engrossed in the game they were playing they didn’t even notice us walk by.

That was when I realized I had never once asked Brad if he has a girlfriend.

Guilt hit me in full force for taking up so much of his time, along with something else I didn’t want to acknowledge.

Jealousy?Why on earth would I be jealous?

It’s been a while since I’ve even felt anything remotely close to this way about Brad.

It was back in the seventh grade when he started dating some girl for a few weeks. I don’t even remember what her name was, but I’ll never forget the emotions it stirred in me.

Jean. I think that was her name.

But since it hadn’t lasted very long, I hadn’t spent too much time dwelling on why I felt that way. It was also around the time I was dealing with my parents fighting intensifying.

He is my best friend. That’s all it is.Or I think that’s it.

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