Page 118 of Glad You Exist

“Brad?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m glad you exist, too.”

“In the words of late, great Bob Marley, ‘Love the life you live. Live the life you love.’” I pause for a beat. I let my gaze travel the length of the football stadium where my classmates, my family, and my friends are all gathered as one to celebrate our high school graduation.

“It took me a long time to understand what that meant but now I get it. Life isn’t about what colleges you got into or reduced to who broke your heart. Life is about loving yourself enough that you start opening up to the possibility of other people doing the same thing. You have to allow yourselves to marvel at the small moments as much as the big ones. Make the most of what you have, appreciate the ones who support you and love you for who you are. The good and the bad. Be grateful for your existence because it’s a gift to you and to other people. Even if you don’t quite realize it yet. Everything else will just fall into place. Sooner or later.” I pause again, catching Dan’s eyes then Dad’s. I look up to the sky for a brief moment, letting my fingers graze the dove tattoo on my wrist.

The six of us went to get tattoos last week to commemorate the end of senior year and to celebrate our friendship and love. Dan and I got matching ones. A dove to celebrate mom’s life, to always have her with us.

Summer got a wave tattoo on her wrist, and after she showed it to us, she shared a look with Dan that made me think it held a memory for them.

Kim got a four-leaf clover tattoo on her ring finger and Kyle got a half moon on his ring finger. The way they hurried off after the session led me to believe it was important to them.

And Brad…my gaze flitters to him and the proud smile I get in return gives me peace and lights up the dark places inside me. He now has an infinity tattoo above his heart.

“So, to my fellow classmates, I hope you remember that even though education, careers and relationships are important.Youare even more important. Love yourselves. Accept yourselves. ‘Love the life you live. Live the life you love.’You owe it to yourselves to live an existence that is worthy ofyou.” I glance at the teachers sitting behind me, “Thank you.”

The restof graduation flies by in a blur and the next thing I know, I’m off the ground and getting spun around by my brother.

Dan sets me down, his face lit up with fondness. “You did it. You really fucking did it, Liz. You manifested this.” He shakes his head, his eyes turning up to the sky before he looks back down to me. “Mom would have been so proud. Fuck that—sheisproud!”

A tear escapes and I manage a nod.

After Mom died, I could have given up on this goal. It wouldn’t have mattered anymore without her here. I would still have graduated with good grades, but this was something I needed to do for Mom. She had carried so many regrets in life that I knew I wanted this for her as much as I wanted something to keep me going through the dark years of high school.

I look at my brother through the sheen of tears, “I never really did thank you for everything you’ve done for me these last few years Dan.”

He starts to shake his head, holding his palms out to say he doesn’t need my gratitude, but I stop him by placing my right hand on his arm.

“Seriously Dan. This isbecause of you.” I use my free hand to tug at my Valedictorian stole.

My grip on his arm tightens a bit letting him know I’m not done.

“You’ve carried the weight of what happened this whole time for the both of us.I owe you, my life.You let me lean on you even when our family was falling apart. You sacrificed time you could have spent enjoying your life in college for me more times than you should have. You made sure I knew I was loved and protected. You taught me how to be strong. You kept me from being afraid…of life and of love.”

I hold my left hand up that is now proudly sporting Brad’s ring again.

“Because of you, I’m not afraid anymore. Because of you, I stopped hiding.”

His eyes well with unshed tears and he blinks them away before pulling me in for a hug.

“I’m so damn happy for you, Liz. I know sometimes I overstepped trying to protect you but knowing you’re happy and loved the way you deserve is all I want.”

A hand comes to touch my shoulder and we break apart to find Dad beaming at the both of us. Olivia is standing a few feet away, giving us privacy.

Dan squeezes me before giving Dad a nod. He starts walking towards Olivia. I see him scanning the crowd for Summer with a smile.

“Elizabeth.”

I glance back at Dad and gasp at the crumpled look on his face.

“Daddy! What’s wrong?”

He bends down and scoops me up in his arms. I’m frozen for a few seconds because my dad is not an affectionate person, then my arms go around him, and I hug him back.

“Nothing. I just—” He takes a deep breath and lets go of me. “I wish Cat—your mom—was here to see this. See you like this.” He pats me on the head.

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