Page 14 of Glad You Exist

I rest my head on the couch and go over what I should say or do next. But she beats me to it. Liz moves to sit next to me and nudges my shoulder playfully, in the same way she used to when were kids, making up after an argument. Just like that, the three years of separation start to crumble.

“I’m still a little mad at you, though.”

“I know. I’m sorry we made you feel like we blamed you for our falling-out.” I nudge her back, earning a teary smile from her. “I just want you to know I never did. I was just upset because I missed you. I was projecting my frustrations a little. I should have backed you up.”

I nudge her again. “I’m here now. This time I promise I got you.”

“For infinity?”

Warmth blossoms in my chest as I remember how we used to always say that to each other certain that this time around, there is no way in hell I am letting her down again.

“And forever.”

We spend the next hour catching up on little things and I fill her in on the conversation I had with Kyle last night. I watch as Liz’ face lights up with a smile and a flash of hope crosses her face. It may not be exactly the way it was before, but it’s a start.

I’m reading Mom’s text to come meet her and Aunt Cat in the kitchen when Liz pulls on the sleeve of my shirt. I place my phone on my lap, letting her know she has my full attention.

“I may get weird later when everyone is around…”

“What do you mean?”

I frown at that. It is an odd thing to just randomly throw into the conversation.

“I have anxiety.”

Liz just told me this, so I nod, but I’m still not getting it.

She sighs like I really should be getting it.

“One of the types I was diagnosed with is called social anxiety. I get weird when I’m around a lot of people.”

I nod again, not knowing what I am supposed to say as encouragement. I have a lot of questions, but I can’t exactly school her for answers. But this time, I sort of understood what she is getting at. I have a cousin who suffers from social anxiety. It started when we were kids, and I remember my mom explaining to me why Sam acted the way she did whenever we had a big family gathering. So, whenever that side of the family gets together, we always try to do something that she is comfortable with. But lately, she has been going to therapy and is getting better at handling her triggers.

“You don’t have to minimize it, Liz. My cousin Sam has it. I get it.”

She expels a breath, then hesitantly offers me a small smile. “I didn’t know that.”

I return her smile, “What do you need from me to help make you more at ease?”

Her smile grows as she tilts her head with a curious look on her face.

“Do you mind if I go up to the family room if it gets to be too much?”

This time, I give in to the urge to tug on her braids. “You never have to ask. Or…you could also go up to your old room if you want. That’s an option too.”

She looks surprised at that. “I still have a room?”

I tug on her other braid. “Of course, you do.”

“You look great. Don’t worry.”

I blink and look up at Brad. I have abruptly stopped just outside the kitchen and am hesitating to go in. Surprised he knows I’m worried about the state of my face before I can even tell him that I am. Which I hope is a sign that things will soon return to normal between us if he can read me so easily like that again. We had a good talk in the library and although there is still so much left to be said, it feels like a giant weight has finally been lifted off of my chest. I can almost feel the walls I’ve been walking around in start to crack, letting the sun back in.

I just hope that Kim is as open to a reconciliation as Brad and Kyle are. Just before Aunt Rose called for us to meet them in here, Brad mentioned that he and Kyle got together after the game on Friday and talked. He even laughed at how Kyle is just really cool with everything and doesn’t hold any grudges. They want to get together with Kim before working on our project to just hash things out. Maybe even today, if she decides to come.

“My mom just worries a lot. Are you sure it doesn’t look like I cried?”

He squints, tipping my chin up to scan my face. I suck in a breath.

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