Page 13 of Glad You Exist

I have so many questions, but I can tell it is already a lot for her to even open up to me like this. I just nod, silently hoping she continue.

“It’s like my brain is always on overdrive, I guess…speaking in Brad terms.”

I give her a reassuring smile. “How long have you been feeling like this?”

She starts to do the fidgeting thing again with her fingers and I offer her my palms.

To my surprise, she accepts, and I squeeze her fingers reassuringly.

“I guess I’ve always been sort of like this, but it really started getting bad right before high school. Now, here I am, an anxious overachiever.”

She scoffs, gently removing herself from my grasp and hugging the pillow tighter.

The timing sounds about right so I venture, “Right around your parents’ divorce?”

She frowns, tilting her head at me. “Your mom told you?”

I nod. “I really wanted to come and find you. To talk to you and make sure you were okay. I thought about reaching out. But then you were gone. My mom said you had taken that vacation with your dad after our fight, and when you came back…well, nothing was ever the same anymore.”

She leans back, resting her temple on the side of the couch, and gives me a sad smile.

“I wish you had.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry I let stuff ruin our friendship.”

“Me too.”

She chuckles, smacking me with the pillow.

“I’m being real, Liz.” I shrug in an attempt to hide the rage of emotions starting to build inside me. “When we were kids, it always felt like it was you and me against the world. Until it didn’t anymore—”

“I’m sorry I—”

I shake my head, holding my hand up.

Borrowing Kim’s words, I need to own up to my shit.

I need to accept that I have served an active role in the destruction of our friendship.

“Because we got busy. Started having responsibilities. Met other friends. It felt like every year, things became slowly different. We stopped having all this time together like we used to, to just be us and hang out. I know I fucked up. I get that now. At the time, I didn’t realize I was blowing you off. If I had known that it would lead to us not being in each other’s lives anymore? I would have kicked my own ass. I’m sorry I made you feel like I turned my back on you.”

Liz takes a moment to study me before she reaches out and pats my knee.

“I didn’t want you to stop doing what you wanted to do or demand time together. I just wanted to be a part of your life for more than the occasional facetimes and random text messages. I needed mybest friend.”

I can’t do anything but nod at that. If I say anything more than I already have, I will end up confessing the biggest reason I was avoiding her then. “I was an ass.”

She sniffs and pulls back. I groan inwardly, realizing there are tears in her eyes.

“There were other things too, Brad. I wasn’t all that innocent in it either. I never told you guys about my parents’ divorce or what was going on with me or at home. I just expected you guys to read my mind, my mood, and never checked in with you either. That was selfish.”

“You had shit going on. I get it now. Have you seen anyone for it?”

“I go to therapy.”

I wait for her to elaborate more, but when she picks at the hem of her dress, I realize just how much this is affecting her. I refuse to force her to tell me more than she’s ready for.

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