Page 21 of Captured Fantasy

“I have a job,” I said through gritted teeth. “You promoted me.”

“A job that you do so well it usually takes you less than half a day to get your work done,” said Lucien, taking the revolver from me. “You’ve got potential, Barone, and I can tell you don’t like me. So I’m giving you an opportunity here.”

“What opportunity is that?”

“To let me lift you up,” said Lucien.

“Why the fuck do you have an interest in me?”

“Because you are family,” said Lucien. “As much as I don’t want to marry your sister, I’ll do it.”

He turned, crouching down to lift one of the bodies over his shoulder. I watched him carry it down to the river and toss it into the water. He did the same for the others, dusting his hands after each one. I stood on the bank and watched him as he took out another cigarette and stood there holding it, unlit, between his lips.

I saw a flash of my future as underboss in that moment and it made me feel alive.

CHAPTER SIX

LORENZA

Later that week, Amadeo’s wife called to thank me for the scones and invited me out for brunch next Sunday after church. I hung up the phone feeling excited for the first time in a long time. I’d always wanted friends, but caring for Gino had taken up most of my time. I couldn’t leave him while he was bedridden to attend church, much less for something like Sunday brunch.

Perhaps my new life wouldn’t be so bad after all.

It was Saturday night and Amadeo had offered to drive me to evening mass. I put on a short blue sundress and heels. Instead of my usual makeup and hair, I painted my lips red and pulled my hair up in a ponytail that just brushed the nape of my neck. Perhaps everyone would judge me and think I was being brazen for a woman who had lost her husband less than a month ago. But I no longer cared what people thought.

On the off chance that something terrible happened to me and I died, I decided it was probably time to make a confession. I had confessed to Father Rinaldi for the last ten years when I’d started attending St. Bede’s and he understood life within the outfit.

Usually, I confessed the same things. Being impatient with Gino, using contraception, masturbating, watching porn—the usual myriad of sins. But this time, my conscience weighed in my chest as I stood in line for the confessional.

The door opened and an elderly woman stepped out, holding the door for me. I thanked her and slipped inside, kneeling in the hot, stuffy booth. I could hear Father Rinaldi on the other side, his breathing gentle as he waited for me to speak.

“Bless me, Father, I have sinned. It’s been two months since my last confession.” My voice sounded small and weak in the darkness.

“What do you have to confess?” His gentle tone was familiar and my anxiety eased as I released the breath I’d been holding.

“I…I’ve been a little angry since Gino died,” I admitted slowly.

“That’s normal, Enza,” he said. “Did you book an appointment with a therapist like I suggested last time?’

I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. “No, I’ve been so busy.”

“I think it would be good for you to speak with someone other than me. To help you work through some of the feelings around your husband’s death.”

“I understand.”

“Did you have anything else to confess?”

“Just the usual,” I sighed. “I used contraception, masturbated. God, I hate that word, it’s so embarrassing.”

“If only you were the only one to come to me and confess it,” Father Rinaldi said lightly.

I released a sigh and leaned my forehead against the screen. “At my husband’s repast, there was a man. I don’t know how it happened, but I ran into him in the bathroom and I was feeling so lonely, so angry. He made the first move, but I let him…touch me.”

“I see,” Father Rinaldi said. I could tell by his silence that he was surprised.

My cheeks burned and I was glad for the darkness. I was also glad that Father Rinaldi was the priest for the outfit so I wouldn’t have to explain every detail of my story to him. “The next day I went to see Federico because he was assigned to be my financial guardian. He took my debit card, my car keys. Anyway, I went back the day after that to see if he would reconsider and give them back. Lucien was at the office, but Federico was going to be late.”

I paused, taking a breath. Father Rinaldi remained quiet, allowing me the space I needed to compose myself.

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