Page 22 of Captured Fantasy

“He refused to help me, but I thought maybe if I could get him to bring down his walls a little, he might reconsider. So I…um…I performed oral sex on him.”

I waited, cringing inwardly. Father Rinaldi kept quiet, waiting for me to continue. He was a seasoned professional and I knew he’d heard far worse, but that didn’t help calm my nerves.

“Federico came back a few minutes later and I went upstairs with him,” I said, pushing through the rest of the story as quickly as I could. “I let him have sex with me. He said he would discuss things later, but I doubt he will.”

There was a long silence and Father Rinaldi shifted in his chair and released a sigh.

“I’m afraid you’re vulnerable now that Gino is gone, Enza,” he said slowly. “Is there anyone you can trust? Anyone who isn’t trying to use you?”

“I—I don’t know,” I faltered. “Amadeo Calabretta drives me sometimes and he’s very kind. I’m going to brunch with his wife next week after mass.”

“Good, do that,” said Father Rinaldi, relief evident in his voice. “Make new friends, come volunteer at the church. Predatory men gravitate towards lonely women so it’s better not to make yourself a target.”

He gave me my penance and I left the booth feeling both embarrassed that I’d admitted what I’d done to him and relieved by his reaction. I sat through mass in distracted silence and got up to leave as soon as the bells rang. I hated having people I barely knew come up to me and offer their condolences.

The door opened just as I reached for it and Lucien stepped through. He wore a gray suit, a burgundy tie, and his hair was slicked back over his head. Without speaking, he slid a hand around my waist and ushered me towards the door.

It was a hot night and the asphalt smelled burnt beneath the setting sun. I followed Lucien down the stairs, pausing at the bottom so he could light a cigarette. It struck me as disrespectful to be lighting up outside a church, but he clearly didn’t care what anyone thought.

“Where’s Amadeo?”

“I told him I’d pick you up,” Lucien said, blowing smoke from his nose. “I was in the neighborhood.”

“Alright,” I said carefully. “Thank you.”

The words came out sounding more like a question, but Lucien ignored my tone. He opened the side door of his Tesla and I settled in, wrapping my arms around myself as he finished his cigarette and got into the driver’s side.

The drive home was quiet and I found myself wondering if I was being paranoid. Maybe Lucien had just been in the neighborhood and Amadeo needed to do something else so he offered to drive me. It was Saturday night after all and Amadeo was probably at home having dinner with his wife.

My body relaxed slowly as we drove through the suburbs and Lucien pulled up in front of my house. He put the car in park and sat there for a long moment, his thumb tapping against the steering wheel, his eyes fixed into the darkness ahead.

“Thank you for the ride,” I said.

He nodded once.

“Did you want something?” My voice cracked.

There was a long, pregnant pause.

“What are you offering?” he asked.

“Whatever you want. Within reason.”

He shifted in his seat so he could face me. “I don’t fuck, Enza, but if you’re offering to get me off, I’ll take you up on it. Just this once.”

I had some serious doubts this was the last time I’d ever get him off. We went in the house and I turned off the porch light. It made me feel a little bit like I was his prostitute and I wasn’t sure if I liked the feeling or not. With Federico, maybe it would have gotten me wet. But Lucien didn’t really arouse me.

Yes, he was stunningly handsome. But there was a sadness, a restless loneliness, in him that gave me a cold hollow in the bottom of my stomach.

We had a drink in the kitchen and he talked briefly about St. Bede’s. About how he didn’t really go anymore.

“Makes me feel like a fraud,” he admitted.

“You know, no one there is following the rules perfectly,” I said.

“I’m not your average sinner,” he said.

I shrugged, feeling a little woozy from the alcohol. “I’ve been using contraception for years and I’m not supposed to. I’ve had unwed sex and I did what I did with you. They feel like pretty heavy sins to me.”

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