Page 92 of Lost Soul

The track down seems longer than usual, especially with my feet still sore from last night, and when I eventually make it to the yard I find it empty. Clinking sounds come from the garage, and I figure it will be Skid working the skin off his hands in attempt to shut all the hurt out of his head.

I walk on past, it’s best I don’t tell Skid about the new information just yet. Instead, I need to find Prez before the USB stick I’m carrying burns a hole through my hand.

“You reckon you can be ready for midday, Utah’s a fucker of a drive,” a voice calls from behind me, and when I spin around I see it belongs to Nyx.

“Midday?” Looking around the yard, I check that he’s actually talking to me.

“Yeah, I wanna get going as soon as. Sooner we leave sooner I can get back.”

“Are you taking me to Cannonville?” I ask excited, this is just what I need, the Utah Charter is where my mom is hiding out, and I’m really starting to miss her. “You sure it’s safe enough for me to visit,” I check.

“Take it you haven’t spoken to Jessie?” Nyx scratches at the back of his head looking suddenly awkward.

“No.”

“It’s a one-way trip, I’m just dropping ya off,” he tells me, almost sounding like he feels sorry for me. Nyx is the kinda guy who doesn’t seem to feel anything.

Unable to shake off my panic, I rush past him and into the club. I search all the bars, but there’s no sign of Prez anywhere. I’m even brave enough to knock on the doors of the bedrooms upstairs, and I’m still unable to find him.

It’s becoming harder and harder to breathe, the temperature of my body rising and making me feel giddy as I search, trying to focus on what I’d come down here for, when really all I can think about is what Nyx has told me.

I need to speak to Jessie, ask him about this impromptu trip. It takes priority over talking to Prez about this new information. I know I won’t be able to focus on anything else until I’ve spoken to Jessie about Utah, so I head back up to his cabin in hope of some answers.

There’s no sign of him in the lounge or the kitchen when I burst through the door, and so I storm straight through to the bedroom. Jessie doesn’t stir, his body laid out flat on the bed, still clothed. Suddenly furious at him for being so selfish, I grab the closest thing to hand and launch it at him. He hardly moves when the tub of moisturizer lands hard on his back.

“Get up,” I scream, tugging at his leg. “Get the fuck up, Jessie”

“Fuck, darlin’, calm your clit.” Jessie rolls over, rubbing his eyes as he sits up.

“So. You’re done with me now then? Packing me off to Utah without so much as a goodbye. That’s a low fucking blow even by your standards.” I pull my holdall from under the bed and start filling it with my stuff. Scrubbing his hand over his face, Jessie rises up on his feet.

“It’s for your own good,” he croaks, stumbling past me and heading for the bathroom. I carry on tossing my things in the holdall, trying my hardest not to let the tears filling my eyes leak.

I’m almost done packing every trace of me from his room when Jessie returns, dripping wet with a towel tucked around his waist. His blonde hair hangs wet around his face, and I watch his fingers run through the strands pushing them back over his head.

“Look, Mads, I’m doing this for you, the Charter in Utah will take care of you. Cannonville's a nice place, there are families there and you can be with your mom.” He steps closer and reaches his hands out to mine. “I ain’t no good for ya, and you got nothing for you here but a shit ton of painful memories.” He speaks so softly that it breaks my heart and terrifies me at the same time.

“Jessie, we had a fight.” I hate that he isn’t making eye contact with me, it makes me feel so distant from him.

“A stupid fight, and now you want me to leave?” I find it harder and harder to contain my emotions, and when his head slowly nods back at me. The tears finally spill from my eyes.

“What about Chop? You need me to find Chop,” I tell him. I can’t leave, the club need me here, and I need to be here, with him.

“You have all the information. You can do whatever it is you do from Utah. You’re safer there.” He shrugs.

“How can I be safe without you protecting me?” I ask. “Please don’t shut me out again, Jessie don’t do this to me.” I’m begging now, because I have nothing else.

Jessie closes the space between us, his wet body pressing into my T-shirt, and sucking it to his skin. Strong hands lift to my hair and when his lips contact with mine, I lose myself.

He kisses me long, hard, and heartbreakingly slowly. He kisses me goodbye.

“I’m doing this for you, darlin’,” he speaks against my lips. Lowering my head, and marking my forehead with another kiss. Then he pulls away and slides into jeans and a plain white tee.

“Nyx will be here in a few minutes,” he tells me quietly.

“He said I had until midday.” I cling desperately to some hope that a few more hours might change the outcome of this mess.

“I text him and told him you were ready now, he’s eager to get goin’.” Leaning forward Jessie grabs my holdall off the bed and stops right in front of me. He curls a lock of my hair around his fingers, and when he finally dares to look in to my eyes, I see it. The same sadness I’m feeling, the same pain. I just can’t understand why he’s doing it to us.

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