Page 68 of Lost Soul

“So, what do I need the suit for?” I ask Jessie, as I walk out of the bedroom and sit at the table where he’s set up two places.

“We’re having a lake party today. Lift everyone up after yesterday,” he explains, placing the loaded plates on the table.

“That sounds like a really nice idea.”

“You wanna make a guess at whose idea it was?” He raises his eyebrow playfully.

“Carly.”

We both say her name at the same time. Carly has to be the most caring person I’ve ever met, everyone at the club seems to adore her, and arranging something like this is just typical of her.

I’m nervous when we leave the cabin a few hours later. We walk past all the other cabins then into a stretch of woodland that leads towards the flat beach area, on the opposite side of the lake from the cabins. Carly and Skid walk just ahead of us hand in hand and it would feel like the most natural thing in the world to take Jessie’s hand in mine too. I don’t, mainly through fear of how he might react. With the exception of Carly, and maybe Skid, people around the club don’t like me much. I’m certain Jessie wouldn’t want his friends to know about what had happened between us last night.

Today isn’t going to be the same as the funeral yesterday, I’m still not entirely convinced I should be going at all. I worry about how I’ll feel if Jessie flirts with those girls who make themselves ‘available’, and I’m already fearing all the judgmental looks I’ll get this afternoon. But I don’t share my concerns with Jessie and stay silent as we walk towards the loud music, trying my best not to let my insecurities drive me crazy.

When we arrive at the lakeside, Jessie and Skid leave me and Carly and join up with the men around the grill. All the other women have set themselves up in line with the sun, tops off and tits out. Some of them venture into the lake to dunk their toes. But most of them hang around the men, not seeming to care when their most intimate parts are touched and groped at.

I lay out my towel beside Carly's, in our own spot away from the other girls. Lying on my back, I enjoy the heat from the sun warming my skin and lose myself in the memories of Jessie touching me last night. It was nothing like how the men are handling the women here. He’d been so gentle, and I wonder if he’s like that with them too.

I try not being too obvious looking over at Jessie every once in a while, he’s deep in conversation with Brax, but every time his eyes flick over to meet mine, he gives me a smile or a wink that reminds me that we share a special secret.

“You had sex, didn’t you?” Carly interrupts my dreamy state, and I quickly tear my eyes off Jessie and focus them to her. She slides her sunglasses down her nose, peering over the top of them towards Jessie and all my blood rushes straight to my cheeks.

“Hey, it ain't nothing to be ashamed of, he’s hot. And girl if I were you, I’d be making damn sure all of them…”—she moves her eyes to the topless attention seekers splashing around in the lake—“…know who he’s coming home to every night.”

“It isn’t like that. Jessie wouldn’t want anyone to know about us.” Referring to Jessie and me as ‘us’ sounds ridiculous, but puts a warm feeling in my tummy. I look over at one of the girls rising out of the water, strutting like she’s walking the runway. Her attention is set directly on Jessie and she makes straight for him, her perfect body glistening with water. When she reaches him, she places her hand on his shoulder and whispers something in his ear. I can’t stand to watch on for his reaction. Pulling my summer dress off over my head, I make sure the bikini Carly lent me covers my modesty, then flip over on to my front and let the sun drench my back.

“Oh trust me, honey, he’ll want them to know.” Carly laughs to herself, fixing her glasses back in place before she lifts her head up towards the sun.

Beers flow, music blasts from the sound system set up in the back of one of the trucks, and the BBQ smells amazing. Feeling fried from all the sun, I decide to cool myself off in the lake. I go to check if Carly wants to come too but she’s sleeping. I don’t disturb her, and tiptoe over the bumpy pebbles to the now completely vacant lake. The smaller stones dig into the soles of my feet on the way down, and it makes me wonder how on earth that girl had made her journey from the water to Jessie look so graceful. My walk being far more wounded duck than graceful swan.

I dip my toes when I reach the water, pleasantly surprised at how warm the water feels against my skin. Gradually, I step forward, being cautious of the ground suddenly slopping. The water is so clear I can see the tiny fish swimming around my legs and tickling at my ankles.

I make it in almost to the top of my thighs before I take the plunge, bending my knees and sinking myself into the water all the way up to my neck. Dropping my head back, I soak my hair, then scoop a handful of water onto my face. Laying back in the water I take a look at the landscape surrounding the compound. The view is so breathtaking that l lose myself staring at it. It’s the first time I’ve taken the time to really appreciate what’s here. My eyes follow the tree line set behind the cabins on the other side of the lake, all the way around to the lodges that sit higher up on the hill and look over the lake.

I can just make out a single figure leaning over the balcony of the biggest lodge watching everyone below, and I know instantly that it’s Hayley’s Dad. Guilt strikes me like lightning, everyone down here is laughing, drinking, and enjoying each other’s company. While he stands alone and watches, consumed by loss and grief. I pull myself out of the water before the heavy weight of guilt drowns me completely, taking my towel and drying myself enough to slide back into my dress.

Heading over to the food table, I grab a plate and serve up a bit of everything until the plate is towered high and crammed full.

“Hungry much?” a voice speaks into my ear, and just from the tingle it spreads across the back of my neck, I know it’s Jessie.

“It’s not for me, silly.” I swat his hand off my ass, being cautious not to upset the plate in my other hand.

“I thought I’d take Hayley’s dad some food up,” I explain, managing to squeeze a spoonful of potato salad onto the last remaining available space on the plate.

“Mads, that’s a real nice thought, but maybe I should take it up. I don’t think…”

“Please let me do this?” I interrupt looking up at him through my lashes, I can tell from the way he frowns back at me that he thinks it’s a bad idea.

“He just ain’t in the best of places, darlin’.”

“I know, and I won’t impose, I’ll just drop off the food and leave. I Promise. I just really wanna do something nice for him.” The smile that twitches on Jessie’s face is enough to know he isn’t going to stop me.

“Thanks.” I smile back, wishing l could reach up on my toes and kiss his cheek, I’m just too scared to embarrass him in front of everyone.

“Just drop it and then leave, okay?” he warns, and I agree. I leave him standing at the table as I start my walk up the rough track to the lodge on top of the hill.

It takes a little longer than I expected to get to the top. The plate seeming heavier and heavier in my hands, it isn’t helped by the fact that the closer I get, the more they start to tremble.

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